Just Jules

9/11

2011-09-11T18:07:00.003-07:00

I was riding the USU shuttle bus up to campus. The radio in the bus was on and suddenly it was very quiet. The bus was packed...as many people standing as sitting...but all of the sudden the light-hearted chatter fizzled and we started really listening. When I got to campus, students were gathered around the tvs watching the news...I stayed and watched for a bit and then headed to class. I'm still grateful I missed the live coverage of the second plane hitting.

Our professor walked in with a cheery welcome and asked us all what was wrong...we were surprised she hadn't heard anything and we all at once started talking to fill her in. As a class we processed our thoughts (this is the benefit of being in a social work major...we process a lot). I remember the next professor (who was teaching some kind of global class...) trying to be calm but sounding anything but as she told us how things would be okay and how we as a nation would recover from this.

Don't remember much about the rest of the day...except that I felt scared...and older. I thought "if you wanted to wipe out a bunch of people at a time, a college campus would be a good way to do it..." but then quickly thought "but I'm in Utah...we're not exactly the most interesting target." Watched the news most of the day...

Anyway. Tenth anniversaries are big I guess. I've been trying to figure out why, maybe because it's been long enough to see change and progress, but short enough to still really feel the impact. I still feel it. Surprises me how much I do, considering how far I live from NYC and how the events of that day did not affect my life nearly as much as they did the lives of hundreds of thousands. But I guess it affected all of us in terms of realizing how vulnerable we are...how evil some people can be...and how fragile life is.

In 2009 I went to NYC with Mom, Linds, Kim and Suz. We had a great trip...while there we went to ground zero. There wasn't much to see because the fences were too high to see over...but we did walk to St. Paul's cathedral.

There were candles lit and signs hung...but the ones that got me were cards and drawings like this one:

I love the response from Joe...a real fire fighter...

On another one, a child had written these words in alternating red and blue marker:

"We really love our country, thanks for helping the people. We want to punish the terrorists. Thanks for helping clean up the city. I hope you get the job done and you get to go home to your family."

Yep...I was just riiiiight crying there in St. Paul's.

Anyway. I'm surprised at how much I've cried in the last few days. For some reason, I feel like it's not warranted...like I wasn't close enough to it all to care that much....but...I do and I cried when I read from cover to cover the 9/11 special edition of Time. I cried when I watched this: "9/11 Boatlift", a youtube video about the water rescues that took place that day. I sighed when I found out Areta flew home yesterday...and is not flying today. Because...just in case... (She did tell me the airport and her flight were both pretty much empty...someone from the news interviewed her and got video of her hugging her sister goodbye before she got back on the play to head home). And I'm wondering how my buddy from this flight is doing today, on his birthday.

I don't know that I'll ever be able to watch footage of the firefighters...rushing in as everyone else was rushing out...without feeling so much gratitude swirled in tears rise up. There is evil in the world, but there is so much more good. And for that, I am grateful.

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Googleplex and Stuff

2011-09-10T18:53:00.000-07:00

Washed my car today. BY HAND. Didn't think to check the weather. Yep, rain tonight and tomorrow. Nice. At least I burned some calories. Bodybugg will be happy.

Almost chose today as the day I start my life of alcoholism...due to being in my office (today is Saturday...so this was the first problem)...attempting to enter info into Quickbooks. Shane, the friendly "video tutorial" boy promised to have me "on the road to saving time, saving money and being more organized in no time" but mentioned nothing about sending me towards a dark and dangerous road. Shane, you let me down. (Reader: I did not drink alcohol).

I love when my clients teach me things...including definition for the word "googol"..."it's the biggest number ever...and bigger than the one after that...like...you can't ever get that big. It's the highest number there is. But after that." So, in case you didn't know where "Google" got its "googol"....
Googolplex: the number 10 raised to the power of Googol...see, I'm good at math
And if you're thinking "sounds like "googol" was invented by a 9-year old," you're right. No wonder 9-year olds today are smitten with the word.

Did you know you can blend 2 cups of cottage cheese with a Hidden Valley Ranch packet and thus drastically increase the amount of vegetables you eat in a week? More math for you.

I started swimming. I'm a swimmer....or...at least I have the swim cap, goggles and ear plugs to make it seem as if. But I will tell you this: having goggles drastically reduces the amount of time a swimmer spends pulling arms out of/off of floaty lane lines and/or cement pool walls. Definitely worth $13. Apparently the nice linear tile design at the bottom of the pool is not just for looks...and if you can actually SEE, it will keep you on "the straight and narrow" so your fellow pool mates won't wish you would just drown already.

There is such thing as Aqua Zumba. It is pretty magical. And Maria M. is changing my life one little "cupid shuffle" at a time...on land and in the sea. That Cupid, he's single-handedly bringing back line dancing...at least for all those who believe in Zumba.

And on that note....(kinda), I still really want to participate in a flash mob. Maybe like this. (Just remember, it's not "shorty hot pocket...") If I can't BE in one...I'd at least like to SEE one... This one was local...WHY wasn't I at Tempe Town Marketplace that day?!?!

I think that is all for now. I'm sure you've been sufficiently enlightened...

My Office...

2011-08-28T16:26:00.013-07:00

Several months ago, my dear friend Kathy came to do a photo shoot at my office. Wanted to share because I love her work and because I want to share with you a little of "my world." This is where I spend a lot of my time...it's cozy and fun and I love that I have a job I love with little people I adore. (As a side note...the little girl in these pictures is NOT a client, she's Kathy's little girl, Ryann...who I adore. She and I are good buddies...I love when I walk in the door at her house and she squeals "Jeweeeee!" yep...melts me).

my desk...and "zazu" the bird

kid art...things kids give me and/or ask me to hang

can't get enough of this backwards "j"...loved that kid,

pretty much the cutest 4-year old ever...

client couch and friends ginger, zeke and leo

love this lamp...have yet to determine if this is "hank" or "elle"

my chair, bookshelf and "bear"...what?! i was out of names, gosh!

love that she got a picture of my shoes on the printer...

because i always take my shoes off once the kids and i get started

best counselor in the "wold?" not sure about that

but how do i ever throw this away?!?!

sandtray with Ry

tickle time...and look at my wild gypsy skirt??

it's pretty intense

princess prep...

that face...are you kiddin' me?!

So I might get in trouble for posting the last three...turns out most every photographer feels more comfortable BEHIND that camera than in front of it...and Kathy is no exception. Hard to say how much I love Kath...she is gentle and soft...but fun and spunky. She is an incredible mom who loves her children so much and does such a great job as a mom. I love her and love that she includes me as part of her family...love how welcome I always feel in her home. Love you big, Kath...thanks again for the shoot...and for letting me take a few of you!

A+ and Stuff

2011-08-07T20:06:00.004-07:00

I survived online traffic school. It took 4 hours. There was no way to speed it up. I may now be suffering from post-traumatic traffic teaching time. (Sounds serious, right?) It's not yet in the DSM...but should be. The page has a designated amount of time you HAVE to have it open before moving on...usually 2 minutes longer than I needed to read the material. Luckily I was able to catch up in the world of Facebook and email in the interim.

I am pleased to say I did not miss one quiz question and on the final exam I missed only one:"Question: If you do not pass this exam you can...." Duh, I wasn't planning on not passing so I didn't even consider that option...or get that question right. That miss brought me down to a 96%. Still, I'll take it. For a person with a possible case of severe ADHD, a 96% on a 4-hour deal is acceptable.

I did learn a few valuable things. But I still feel that I am, in my heart, a race car driver who is in serious need of an upgrade (while the fuel-efficient Corolla is an economical choice, it lacks much when it comes to power...which may be...a good thing for me right now...). In heaven I hope there is a place for people to drive as fast as they want...with NO motocops or photo ticket cameras. The Celestial Autobahn. Admit it, you're interested.

In the meanwhile, I'm back to being hypervigilant ....boo.

In other news....it's hot here. I'm sure you've heard. It makes me laugh that the weather app on my phone says "Hot" up to 108 and jumps to "very hot" around 109. Really? Because I thought 108 was feeling hot-ish.

Work is good, However, I am in desperate need of tax advice...any of you readers out there savvy about small business tax rules? If so, email me, I'd love to ask you a few questions.

Church is now at 8 am. Which means Sundays are now a long day. Love it. I love being out by 11 am...

Last tidbits:

-I have gotten addicted to the flat bread option at Subway...who knew my love for Subway would ever return after the summers of 1990-1998 when we ate there daily. (Rand, Lindsay...someone confirm that this was also your reality?!?)

-I recently went to Flagstaff for a training. While there I bought a mood ring, which is such a Flagstaff-y thing to buy. But I gotta say, for $2.95, it's putting everything Claire's has ever offered to shame. I realize I'm about 23 years too old for a mood ring. But since when has that stopped me? And...let's be honest, my therapy kids are gonna eat it up.

-Speaking of therapy kids...favorite moment of last week was when a cute 3-yr old boy was dunking Green Lantern, Superman and Spiderman in "sand quick." Love that he calls it that.

-I am exuding every last ounce of restraint and REALLY developing my restraint while waiting til October to get a new phone...I'll be up for a new one then and also praying iPhone 5 happens to be out then. I'm not holding my breath though...If Apple products weren't so amazing, I'd totally boycott them for the way they jerk us around... My sissy Droid works about 62% of the time so if you're ever talking to me and then suddenly...you're not...do not blame my possible ADHD...rather, just call me back...in about October.

I believe that is all. Carry on.

For The Love...

2011-07-25T21:48:00.002-07:00

Bad News Folks. July 12th marked the end of an era. Which era, you ask? Well, the one wherein I was a noble, upstanding citizen with ZERO traffic violations. (Lasted 33 months, which I feel is commendable).

Yeah. Photo ticket. What kills me is that I was on the way to the temple...the day before I was leaving town for 10 days...and I was debating going because I had to so much to do. Apparently I had so much to do that I decided to possibly (okay, fine, undeniably...photo evidence) run a red light. Which is a pretty big (big=expensive) deal in Arizona...because I think AZ is the red-light running capital of the world. I swear to you I broke the plane prior to the light turning red...and I know all about "breaking the plane" from back in 2008 when I used to speed and had to go to traffic school. So. Luckily I can do online defensive driving school for a mere $200. For the love. Let that be a lesson friends...if you go to the temple...go SLOWLY.

Now...on with happy news...these are the things for which I am grateful today:

1-living 5 minutes from work and being able to come home for lunch

2-having had the opportunity to hike Havasupai (pictures to come)

3-things going well in private practice (yeah, I started one...need to write about that one day)

4-for new friends who make life fun

5-for living in a place where I get to wear flip flops pretty much year round. LUCKY!

Fair vs. Not Fair

2011-05-06T10:30:00.008-07:00

Sitting here...attempting to work on my gospel doctrine lesson. It is amazing that I always have 3 weeks to prepare and still end up doing it Friday or Saturday. I am usually thinking about it for all of 3 weeks, but just have to sit down and focus to "finish" it. It's the "focus" part that I usually get stuck on...no big surprise there...

I am not at my house tonight...watching a good friend's children today and tomorrow. Adorable blonde-haired, blue-eyed little wonders...almost 3 and 5...tonight included several rounds of "Don't Break the Ice," dinner, a t-ball game where big brother did fantastic and I learned that little brother is pretty impressive at throwing and catching a ball. Then bath time...snuggle time, stories and songs. I always hope they won't ask for singing because their mom has an amazing voice...and...well...mine is...just pretty average. But when they DID ask for songs tonight, I thought maybe if I mixed it up and sang in Spanish, that would present enough of a distraction...kind of worked. The youngest is especially intrigued with Spanish and as I sing, I laugh and imagine this fair-skinned, blue-eyed, chubby-cheeked cherub playing amid a big group of brown-skinned, dark haired, Spanish speaking kids his age...and the image always makes me smile. Love these boys, love how they talk, how they laugh...how the youngest says "Guess what, Julie?" to begin most every sentence and the oldest is so dang smart and always crumples his eyebrows together and tilts his head slightly right before he asks big questions. When I am with these kids (and many of the children in my life...clients, nieces and nephews, children of my friends)...I am usually thinking "I don't think I could love them any more, even if they were my own... Just adore them.

Which leads to me (in a long way) to my point...as I am spending time with these adorable boys and just eating them up...my brain and heart are kind of tangled up in some news I got earlier this week that I can't seem to figure out.

A sister from my mission passed away. At 32. She and I did not serve as companions, but I knew, loved and admired her. She was always positive, always kind, so easy to love. An excellent missionary and just an incredibly genuine person. And as I read comments so many have made on her facebook page and on her family blog in the last week...I keep thinking... "No, no, no, no no...32 year old mothers do not die." Especially when they have adorable children...ages 2, 4 and 6 who are captured in a "messy-hair, ginormous smile christmas morning picture" that hurts me to see-those faces...so innocent. Especially when the darling, gentle, soft and fun mom has a happy family and a great relationship with her husband...and a baby growing in her womb. No, no, no, no, no.

I have not met her husband or her children but I keep seeing the faces of clients I have had over the years who have lost parents or siblings...their grief...how hard/sacred/amazing that work is...with these gentle kids who ask questions such as "Well, I just don't get why Jesus got resurrected but my dad didn't. That isn't fair." And all I could say to the 6-year old that day was "You're right, it isn't fair at all right now."

It isn't fair that this sweet 32-year old mother's little 4-year old girl has already stated her concern that dad won't be able to do her hair like mom does it. And he won't. But what chokes me up is knowing that he will really try.

Life. Isn't. Fair.

It's not fair that some mothers who adore their children and the sacred role of motherhood die way too soon and others who find their children to be just a burden...live forever. It isn't fair that teenage girls get pregnant accidentally when grown women and their husbands ache over years of infertility. It isn't fair that there are kids in foster care who did nothing to deserve that kind of childhood. It isn't fair that my brain is full of details and stories from lives of my clients (from "tiny, tiny barely 3-years old and still in diapers" clients...to adults who have lived through some pretty amazing and difficult stuff)...details that I cannot share because I don't want them rattling around in anyone else's brain. It isn't fair that Ken, the man who has lived on the street corner near the agency I worked at for 3 years, is homeless. It isn't fair that I have wanted to be a mom since I was 3 and almost 30 years later...have not yet had that privilege. It isn't fair that my dear friend is on her 11th round of chemo and still has more to go. (Although, in some ways, it is very fair...that she is fighting this and that while still there is still a ways to go...things appear to really be heading in the right direction...so grateful for this).

But...it also isn't "fair" that I have a large group of amazing friends and family to whom I am very connected. It isn't "fair" that I get paid to do a job that I would (most days) do for free because of how much I love the work...when others have been unemployed for months or years. It isn't fair that I have the gospel of Jesus Christ that gives my life such purpose and direction when others all over the world are struggling to find answers to questions that don't bother me. Many friends of mine have expressed that it isn't fair that I could take a long, un-interrupted nap on the weekend. And to them I say "Yes, but it isn't fair that you get to wake up to bed-head snuggly toddlers whose lives and hearts revolve around you..."

So...I hope that "fair" comes to the family and children of my sweet friend who passed away this week...I hope that as they grieve the losses of their mom/wife/daughter/sister as well as their tiny baby sister/daughter/grand-daughter/niece, they are comforted beyond what is "fair." I hope math is easy for all three of those kids and that the 4-year old little girl has hair that is never tangly. I hope family and friends living near them do not stop offering support after the first 6 months and that many "moms" help to raise those kids.

And maybe, I hope that I can keep remembering that there really is no such thing as "fair." Life is full of experiences, blessings and trials. And as one of my close friends always says "life is a long time..." I know that fair isn't something we experience in this life. "Fair"...however, is what comes in the next....when everything is unraveled and we are able to understand the things that never made sense down here...and we are blessed with more than we deserve....all of us.

To get to the other side...

2011-04-13T18:08:00.012-07:00

Actual photo of Speedy* (*not his actual name)

This morning I was about (or exactly) 2.85 miles into my run when I came across a surprising sight. There in the gutter was a turtle...and this turtle appeared to be attempting to cross the road. Problem was...it a was a busy road. Little guy would stick his head out slowly, and wait...and after a few cars would pass and there was a lull in the traffic, he'd start to stick his legs out...and just as his toes (turtles do have them-I'm pretty sure) would touch the ground, a car would come whipping by and he'd pull all appendages back inside. And then it would all start over.

I watched for the first few minutes intrigued. Then I watched for the next few minutes because I was grateful to be stopped running...and my heart rate was returning to normal and I wondered if I cared about the turtle or just wanted an excuse to be done running... and for the next 2 minutes I was angry at the turtle for wanting to go THAT way because he had 3 other directions to walk in that would not most likely cause his tragic death. It was a narrow road, and as cars came by, several almost clipped him...especially the time his head was all the way out.

By now, my run is pretty much over and my attention has now shifted to thoughts on the peril of this little guy and wondering what my rights and responsibilities are to this tiny reckless reptile. (I was only in cub scouts for a few months, so we didn't get to that chapter in the book that spells out first aid for turtles, but I bet it's in there). I wanted to talk him into going the other way, but then I thought "maybe turtles are like horses or dogs...or other animals that know where they live..." "and what if some 6-yr old kid is crying that his beloved "speedy" has been missing for 8 days...and his mom isn't sure how to tell him Speedy's probably...well, not coming home... and is considering taking him to the pet store after school today to get a new one but maybe not because turtles really are so stinky" (yes, that IS how my brain works...welcome to the Inner Workings).

ANYWAY...as I'm watching Speedy...he gets a crazy streak of Brave and sticks out head and arms/legs (are they all legs? even the front ones? again, thanks for nothing Webelos...) in one bold move and moves about a quarter of an inch closer towards the other side of the road...and is not mostly out of the gutter and in the street. At this precise moment, a car that was definitely speeding came by and if Turtle would have been one second slower, I'd have witnessed a terrible turtle decapitation before my very eyes. It was at the moment I decided to take action, and since Speedy was now (luckily) safely inside his shell, I picked him up and walked him over the other side of the road...set him near the bushes on the safe side of the sidewalk. He was nice and didn't scratch or bite me or whatever turtles might be capable of doing to well-meaning but invited movers...and I set him down and told him to be free...and to "go THAT WAY, dummy!!!"

He stayed in his shell and I waited for a while watching him... until I realized I really needed to get going...but hoped he would make better transportation choices in the future. Like...mostly, not running away from home. We had a little heart-to-heart...and I went home.

About 1.4 minutes after arriving home, I decided to go back to take his picture. When I got back, I couldn't find him for a minute and thought, "If I just got outrun by a &%$^ turtle, I'm gonna kill myself." Relax reader, no turtle or human will die today...he was there all along. I snapped a few pictures...and you will see that for a turtle who just got his life saved, he sure doesn't look very grateful... And I especially enjoyed that after two photos, he suddenly popped out of his shell and started sprinting (in turtle time) away from me...like he was gonna "make a run for it," as if I was gonna hurt him after all that. For the love, turtle. You need therapy.

See, not very friendly, right?!

Anyway. I don't know what happened to turtle. I'm pretending he's at home happily eating...lettuce and resting in safe cage with 6-yr old Billy's face glued to the glass. I'm prolly not gonna drive on that street for a while for fear that he maybe got crazy and walked back out the other way...and...well, you know.

But I did think about him all day...and (cue the music where the moral of the story comes in...you know the kind)...I was thinking that we are a lot like turtles. (Well, when it comes to running, some of us are even MORE like turtles than others). Sometimes we have a plan of where we think we need to go...and sometimes...it's a pretty terrible and dangerous idea...but we can't see that because we lack perspective. But...Heavenly Father...he doesn't. He gets it...and sees when we're about to make a choice that could figuratively flatten us. Sometimes he snatches us...and takes us to safety or has others down here do it for Him. And sometimes, even after He has saved us...we try to "make a run for it" to get away from Him, thinking He is the danger...or the enemy. We book it away and he probably smiles at our "turtle sprinting" and is thinking "I can see you no matter how fast or far you run, so when you're tired of running, I'll still be here..." So. Now. Bless Speedy for providing a story for Sunday's gospel doctrine lesson and a post topic for me for today. And I guess for providing a reminder that I was probably needing...

Beat It...

2011-01-24T16:36:00.010-07:00

Sometimes when people haven't blogged for a long time, they start off with "I'm sorry I haven't written for so long." I've done it in the past, but honestly, I resolve to not say that anymore because this is MY blog after all, and I'm the boss of it. So if you're offended...you can go peruse the blogs of other more faithful bloggers...It's 2011 and I'm taking charge. Or something.

But...you're online reading blogs right now...so you're probably either NOT busy or avoiding things you really NEED to do. Which makes me feel okay about what I'm about to write.

First. I grew up in a musical home. Well, let me rephrase that. I begged to take piano lessons, and then begged harder to stop taking them. I took voice lessons for a while and liked them for the most part but there were....complications which I shall not here explain. My mom had a very cool player that rotated and played about 300 CDs...and it was on most all the time (as I remember). I loved music from age 3 when I got my first fisher-price record player that played 4 primary-colored plastic "records." And I had one heckuva dance routine for Neil Diamond's "Heartlight" song not to mention my smooth moves for "Footloose." I was ahead of my time...sigh.

My friend Anita tells me when I sing to her every time she says a word that triggers a song (which is about 39 times a day, on average): "Julesy, the music is in you." And I smile and agree.

But today when I was running and singing along, I heard myself sing "shorty hot pocket...da da da da...it doesn't matter who's wrong or right" and then start to question the veracity (and possibility) of those lyrics. So I came home and googled the lyrics to "Beat It," by our dear Michael. Turns out...he's actually saying "showin' how funky strong is your fight, it doesn't matter who's wrong or right." I was close. Sorry Michael. (But seriously...showin' how funky strong is your fight??!?!" Really? That's not much more impressive than Shorty Hot Pocket, just sayin'...).

This isn't the first time the lyrics I sing are devastatingly different than what the artist intended. Like for instance:

"I've been through the desert on a horse with no MANE," is really "horse with no name," but honestly, both versions are just weird. (Imagine me as a 7-yr old wondering what I'd hold onto if there were no mane...because of course...a saddle and reigns were out of the question...in keeping true to the spirit of freedom the song portrays...).

And...

"she ain't heaven...she's my mother..." turns out to be "he ain't heavy, he's my brother." (Took a LOT of ridicule when my mom and the lady for whom I was baby-sitting that day (my dear Jan...still love you and if you still read this, I want your email address) tag-teamed teased me on that one). You both should be ashamed, I was just a kid. ;)

So...have spent much of today laughing about "shorty hot pocket." I am awesome. It's a fun time in my brain. Anita is right, the music is in me. Unfortunately, sometimes the lyrics are not...

Grateful for...Amazing Grace

2010-11-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

This is one of my all-time favorite songs...

and hearing from a 7-year old...

kind of...amazing.

Grateful for...Emily

2010-11-15T21:08:00.007-07:00

I stole this picture from Kim's blog...this is my darling niece Emily. I can't get enough of this cute picture and the fact that almost every picture I have of her looks like this...darling smile with one eye shut because it's....just...too...bright. Darling girl.

Trying...

Way too bright...

Aunt Jules gets smart...

Grateful for...Friends and Stuff

2010-11-05T15:08:00.003-07:00

so. the thing is, sometimes life is just so good. a miracle didn't happen, i didn't win a bajillion dollars, i don't have a new boyfriend, i still do not run 7-minute miles, and i'm not yet at my goal weight...and my hair still sometimes decides to be curly when i've declared it a NOT curly day.

BUT...i do have amazing friends. like "too good to be true" friends. some i see often, some i see very rarely, but i am just lucky. i have friends who think deeply and laugh with me about "reeeee-diculous" happenings and friends whose darling babies call me "jew-ee blayo" or wink at me from their booster seats. (are you KIDDING ME...that was for sure a highlight of the year...darling blond big brother responding with a silent and oh-so-adorable wink and half-smile instead of a hello when i got in the car and said hi to him!). friends who live in utah and have darling children who sing "happy birthday dear jules" at everyone else's birthday party for months after jules' birthday passes.

i have a little sister whose cats "text" me on a regular basis and crack me up with their humor which is remarkably similar to that of their owner/mother, i have big sisters who teach me about hair, jewelry, shopping, boys and the importance of being grateful for the opportunity in my life at present to sleep (and go to the bathroom/read/shower/do anything without interruption from darling children) as much as i want. i have old friends that are so easy to be with and talk to, and new friends that i can't get enough of.

i have a job i really love. i live 2 blocks from sprouts where they sell the best apples (and produce in general) in the world. i own a bike and a car. i get to hike most every saturday all winter long. i have lunch every workday with a co-worker and friend that i adore...who keeps me sane, makes me laugh and is such an incredible sounding board for things both clinical and personal. i have 9 adorable nieces and nephews, including brand-new baby twin nephews and another new nephew...all of whom i'll get to meet in just a few weeks. i am friends with nutella. i have almost mastered consistency in tricking my dying toaster into actually toasting (not CHARRING) my bread...setting 2 and 3/4ths). my webelos are all on track, the church is still true, i survived teaching my isaiah lessons and i am sleeping in flannel sheets. life is good.

Grateful for...flannel sheets.

2010-11-04T23:21:00.000-07:00

I am absolutely certain that flannel is the official textile of heaven. My mom teases me for sleeping in flannel sheets when I'm wearing flannel pants...she says "Do you get stuck in there?!?! It's like the old flannel boards for FHE from forever ago." It's a tricky thing...living in Arizona when I have such an affinity for flannel. But, dear reader, do not fret, I have figured out how to manage at least 6 months of flannel time here... AND the good news is that Utah for me is flannel YEAR-ROUND...especially because my parent's basement is about as cold as a cave...in Antarctica...which makes for great sleeping...cold, cold room...flannel sheets and tons of blankets... Best. Thing. Ever.

Grateful for...Health

2010-11-03T17:21:00.005-07:00

Today after my run at the gym, I noticed that a firetruck with flashing lights had just pulled up. I wondered what had happened. As I made my way towards the dressing room, I saw a woman lying on the ground with three EMTs around her, beginning to work on her. She did not look conscious and someone standing near them was giving them information about what had happened.

I noticed that the lady was of about the same build and size that I once was and I wondered if this event would make her forever scared to come to the gym, with worry that this could happen again. Found myself praying that she'd be okay, that she'd be able to get help and grow stronger and healthier. And that she wouldn't be afraid to come back to the gym.

About 10 minutes before seeing her, I had been thinking "Man, I'm tired today...I really kind of wanted to get 7 or 8 miles in but 6 is gonna have to do today...geez...lame. So that means tomorrow I'll have to run another 4 or 5...and Friday I'll have to run 3 or 4...and how will that affect my hike Saturday?" I was annoyed at myself...and then things changed after seeing the woman laying on the floor at the gym...a woman who could very easily have been me a few years ago. Because for most of my life, running a mile seemed impossible...and running 6 on regular basis felt inconceivable.

Suddenly I became very aware of my gratitude for my health and the blessing of having a body that can do so many things. I remembered having attended a fireside where one of the contestants who had been on The Biggest Loser was a speaker...and he was telling about his experiences on the show. He spoke about how he related his exercise then to repentance...that it was so hard, so painful then...because in a way he was "repenting" for all that he had done to his body. Because the neglect had been so bad, the "fixing" was very hard. Interesting concept. Sometimes I have days where I feel like I'm on a "repentance run"...like for instance after Halloween when I'm realizing that eating enough fun-size "somethings"=a run that feels not "fun-sized."

So...bottom line. (Sher, you love it when I get to the bottom line, right?) While I have more work to do and want to continue to take good care of my body and treat it well, I am grateful for the health I have today. I'm grateful that hiking this year feels easier than last and that I feel more confident and excited to try bigger and harder things. I know that having a body is a gift....one that today, I feel especially grateful to have.

Grateful for...Megan and Rachelle.

2010-11-01T23:07:00.000-07:00

This month I'm going to try to post more frequently...focusing on the things/people I'm grateful for. First...my roommates...Megan and Rachelle. Love them. Love that Rachelle talks to herself and that I've learned to distinguish the "I'm talking to you Jules" voice vs. the "to myself or to my sandwich" voice. Love that Megan teaches kindergarten and loves kids like crazy (you know you're with a teacher when your hike involves stopping to pick up and take home 30 rocks). Love that we are all independant and do our own thing but that when we're together we have so much fun. Love that Rachelle speaks Spanish and that Megan loves to hike. Love that their motto is "We Do Hard Things." Love that they love health and exercise but also can sit at the kitchen table and laugh while we share whatever treat one of us has acquired. Love that they both love me even though we've concluded that it is I who seems to have a problem slamming cupboard doors (especially if it is while they happen to both be sleeping)...good news, I am working on this-I'd say I'm 79% improved. Love that they are sisters but include me in what they do, including family parties, etc. Love that we "get" each other. Love that they don't judge me for having a perpetually cluttered bedroom...which I generally attribute (falsely) to its size (yes, it is exactly 10x10).

Love that when Megan asked if we could go take pictures at the new temple site I complained...asked to reschedule twice...and when we actually went and did it tonight, I acted about as difficult as I usually do (see below for photo evidence) when my mom attempts the "family picture" thing. (See Mom, don't feel bad, it's not just for you).As we were standing there in that dirt (and I was embarrassed at the traffic that I was SURE was wondering why all the mormons were lining up on a Sunday afternoon to take pictures of a dirt field, not unlike many other dirt fields in the city)...As we laughed and teased (okay, and had fun...) I was thinking "these two really are my "family" here and I love them..." and then I got a little sad realizing that I won't always be living with them.

So. I'm grateful for living with two sisters who feel like my sisters...grateful that our home is peaceful and that despite the less-than-ideal circumstances for us all...we are absolutely...a family.

Happy Halloween

2010-10-31T22:21:00.010-07:00

Fun weekend. Megan and I set up a face-painting booth at the annual ward party. We were a big hit. We'd ask the kids "Do you want a ghost, pumpkin or a spider?" But apparently these kids know how to think for themselves. When one little boy said "Can I have a transformer?" I said "No problem, I'll give you one that is in "spider mode." Worked like a charm. Megan mastered the spider web, while mine looked much more like a wheel.

Was pretty proud of the mini-ladybug on the ladybug...very cute, right? I did some pretty stellar butterflies as well. However, Megan's skill level quickly exceeded my own and I got my feelings hurt when two 8-yr olds came to examine my work (at that moment, was painting a ghost)...the one little girl pointed to Megan and said while walking away from my side of the table: "Yeah, let's go to her, she's better." I wanted to say "HEY!! I'm sitting right here, I totally heard that! And Fine! See if I care! Did you see the ladybug?!?! I painted her face..." Don't worry, I walked it off..

Peter Pan/Andrew, my friend's little boy. Affectionately known as "Baby," and adored by every human who lays eyes on him. Adorable kid, even cuter personality...love him.

Megan and jr. apprentice Jules

The weekend also involved a hike...some time with my friend Cami and her family (including a brush with death, in the form of a black widow), dinner with Kathy and friends at her house...including a "not-so-haunted" haunted house. I will be honest....it was the BEST haunted house I've ever been to. Ever. It was in the garage, it was well-lit and I knew when the children (who were not in costumes resembling horror film creatures) were going to jump out at me and/or throw a blue plastic ball at my head. Loved it. Great weekend.

10-10-10

2010-10-10T22:17:00.005-07:00

I'd really like you to think I'm a genius for thinking up the idea of doing a list of 10 things in honor of today's remarkable 10-10-10 date. Alas, I'm totally stealing the idea from the blog of a person I don't even know.

So you're gonna have to just stick with all the other reasons you think I'm a genius.

In no particular order, I give you...ten pieces of information about me/my life/my thoughts.

1. I'm afraid that pumpkin chocolate chip cookies are even more addicting this year than last. Why are they SO easy and why do they only require 3 ingredients and why can they be cooked up in a simple 15 minutes?!?! Why, why, why?

2. This year I set a goal to run 600 miles. I am happy to announce that I am 17.56 miles ahead of schedule.

3. Don't be deceived/jealous of my purported health and vigor. Last week I ran nearly 18 miles, including a "long-run" day of 9 miles. Apparently 9 miles isn't enough to cancel out the effects of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. So...I run a lot...and apparently eat a lot...and maintain this weight that is not really preferred but could be worse.

4. I really can't get enough of fall/winter candles. Pumpkin spice...cinnamon apple...and my absolute favorite...my entire "pine" collection that could honestly probably rival the aroma of an entire mountain of those amazing trees.

5. I think I have a crush on the checker at Sprouts (And yes, he's a Man, not a 15-yr old teenage kid...he's at least 29 I'm sure). I didn't quite know how to get him to fall in love with me in the 3.5-minute interval as he rang up my selection of healthy fare. I did make him laugh twice, including when I said "Wow, I'm good!" after my bill totalled an EXACT $24.00. But apparently it takes a little more than a perfectly even grocery sum to really woo a man. I'm convinced if I buy enough fresh produce, and keep having perfectly even totals...our love will grow and I will soon be Mrs. Checker at Sprouts. And my viewers at home are sighing and thinking..."No wonder she's not married."

6. It's almost time for flannel sheets. Last night I did the math...I plan to keep the flannel on from now until...probably April...a good 7 months. In Utah, I can have them year round...just not possible here.

7. My student loan will be paid off as of Wednesday. Hallelujah for this. Now it's time to create a plan for the next goal...buying a house. As much as I love my 10x10 den...I really, really, really miss my huge walk-in closet.

8. I love the kids in my life...all of them. Had a little girl who's nearing the end of our sessions get sassy with me this week while doing our work, when I called her on it, she blurted out: "I don't want to stop coming here. I want to stay here and be your daughter." Ahhhh...killed me. She's an amazing kid...and what she doesn't know is that I'd keep her if I could.

This weekend my friend's darling little Carter came running towards me and said: "Oh Julie, I just wanna be friends with you and hug you for all time." I adore him and love that he genuinely makes me laugh...not the "Oh, I'll laugh because you're little and I'm supposed to" laugh, but the kind where I laugh and laugh and laugh and later...days later, laugh again. LOVE you Carts!

Carter and I making cookies recently...pumpkin chocolate chip of course...

9. I have really good friends. I am not saying this to make you feel sad, I bet you do too, I want you to have these kinds of friends. It's just...they are REALLY good. Last night I sat with a friend and we covered a billion different topics...some deep, some not...some funny, some not...some laughing, more than a little crying...and then and now I feel so grateful for her. That feeling of being completely safe.....best friend/big sister/nurturer/punk/teaser/voice of reason....all in one. Lucky me. And to her...love you SO much! So grateful for you.

10. Do NOT tell anyone, but I really am liking these dang Webelos. (PS-Thanks Sher for the shirt...so I can get off the black-list for being a bad example-love you!) This week during our conversation on first-aid and the importance of assessing a scene to determine where to begin...darling little wonder shows off the depth of his wisdom in saying: (warning, slightly graphic...we ARE dealing with 10-yr olds, after all)

"Yeah, like if you come up to a place and one guy has his head cut off and another guy just has his arm cut off, you're probably gonna wanna help the guy whose arm is cut off, because the guy whose head is cut off is probably not gonna make it."

Are you KIDDING me?!?! Ew! Gosh, ahhh! Laura and I are laughing in shock...but...okay...kinda true. Then we're trying to get them to guess what it's called when someone's choking...this is the manuevuer you do...starts with an 'H'...and our darling, newest, super shy little guy looks up with big eyes and in all sincerity and hopefulness says: "Hyperbole?" Stop it. Darling wonder...hyperbole??? Bless your little Webelos heart...

Summary: on this day of 10-10-10...life is pretty good.

A Thousand Words Paint a Picture

2010-09-25T14:07:00.007-07:00

The worst news is that I didn't get a picture. The best news is that I am going to do my very best to "paint the picture" in your brain of what I witnessed at the gym this past week. Ready.

Go.

It is 7:07 on a Wednesday morning.
I have found "my" treadmill at the gym and have begun my run...am about 3/4 of a mile in.
When out of nowhere...a woman appears.
Wearing purple.
ALL purple.
Purple in layers...tank top, shirt, cardigan, stretchy pants, socks, etc. (NOT typical gym clothes).
She walks towards me and I know she's going to choose the treadmill next to me.
(I am a magnet for this kind of thing...to be explained next post).
Madame Purple is a very, very large woman both in height (6 ft?) and girth.
(I am only saying that because you need the picture.
I am not mocking and would never as I am well-acquainted with obesity.)
Her warm-up is benign enough...typical.
Then in go her (purple) earphones.
And the madness begins.
She puts her treadmill at an incline of about a bazillion.
Then turns around and is walking backward...up the steep incline.
I have seen incline. I have seen backwards. I don't typically see backward incline.
I especially don't see PURPLE backward incline.
So while I'm marveling at just this...
I catch out of the corner of my eye...some kind of hand motions...
Sign language.
Of course.
I look to see if she happens to have a friend who is deaf on a treadmill that would be facing her, as she is still walking backwards.
Nope.
Signing to herself.
Of course.
Purple backward incline with Sign.
My genius kicks in and I think: "Wait, she's not deaf or she wouldn't have headphones...this is just an extra talent"
I then wonder how "subtle" my staring has been to this point.
I decide, on a scale of 1-10, NOT subtle. Sorry lady. You chose my row.
I do my best to lose myself in the catchy lyrics my beautiful iPod sings to me.
I am running, I am strong. I am not distrac....
Ms. Purple has turned around.
Lowered the treadmill incline from a bazillion to zero.
Her hands are still moving.
But it is not sign language.
I happen to notice she's walking at a 24:19 min/mile pace.
It is then than I notice that her hands/arms and torso are dancing at an impressive 6:14. At least.
Of course.
Mama Purple got moves.
She is a dancin' MA-SHEEN!
I briefly (but quite seriously) consider stating the previous 2 sentences out loud. To her.
I decide against it.
I attempt to not look.
I feel angry that I'm losing the "I will NOT look" battle.
Mama Madame Purple is winning.
I decided I am "allowed" to look once every 2 minutes. With subtlety, of course.
I end up looking every 20 seconds. Or more.
I realize I am not the only Treadmillist thrown by this violet display of personal victory.
I start to wonder if I could get away with it.
We could start something, me and Mama.
Like that Josh Turner Flashmob thing.
(ps, this is not that video, but it will make you smile, starting at 2:27)
(pps-the 2nd video is proof that youtube is for everyone)
I get lost in that possibility for a few miles. A flashmob at the gym. Brilliant.
The possibilities...
But I am shaken from the depth of my future flashmob fantasies to see that...
The incline is again at bazillion.
And the cycle continues. For the rest of my entire run.
I ran an extra mile just to see if i could "out run" this behavior.
Near the end of that mile, Mama smiled and dismounted her treadmill.
As did I.
Goodbye my purple friend. Until next week?

PPPS-i really can't get enough of these. Admit it...look at the faces of the people watching...it's beautiful...I love that people watching can't help but smile and that most everyone is affected in a positive way.

Forgiveness

2010-08-17T20:50:00.003-07:00

So, up until about...Sunday...I believed that I had the fool-proof way to avoid having to speak in sacrament meeting. It goes like this: accept a teaching position in relief society or gospel doctrine...and bear your testimony on occasion (approximately 2 times per year, give or take). For about 10 years that worked for me. Until Sunday.

So...this Sunday I'm speaking in church...on forgiveness. I have a thousand different ideas and haven't yet decided which direction I will be taking this talk...but it will probably include elements of:

importance of forgiving others
importance of forgiving self
importance of allowing time for real forgiveness and not judging self or others when/if the process is not quick or immediate

But....I'd love to hear any thoughts, quotes, stories, scriptures or anything meaningful that my dear friends may feel inclined to share. Also...what do you think is missing when this topic is discussed? What do you think we need more of? Less of? If you have thoughts, feel free to leave them as comments or email me if they are more personal. If not...

I forgive you.

Summer visit to Utah!

2010-08-01T16:38:00.021-07:00

Had SO much fun in Utah...have tons of pictures to share...

Spent a day at the cabin with just dad and I, which was great. He cut down trees while I laid in the hammock, then we decided to make little stumps out of the segments for sitting on around the fire...sealed the tops off with...varathane? Then a long ride on the 4-wheelers...good day. While hiking near the buick, dad came very close to stepping on a rattlesnake...luckily he has very quick reflexes because he was able to miss it. Though he WAS disappointed when I didn't hand him the camera quick enough for a quality photo...all he got was the tail because I was worrying about ridiculous things...like GETTING AWAY from the VIPER... In the photo below...no snake, right??

WRONG!!! See, he's getting away...but there is his tail... Anyway...cabin fun with dad: which involved a photo op with "Dad's Buick"...even though I didn't think GETTING IN was a good idea...he was not afraid of glass and rusted metal...apparently the rattlesnake wasn't enough danger and he needed a little more. We also had a s'mores competition (microwave version). He and I have different opinions regarding the winner of said competition... A few days later we went to the cabin with Jeff and Kim and their kids and mom and dad and I. Had so much fun as usual...went on long 4-wheeler rides, had fun with the HUGE marshmallows from the Peterson's (thanks Areta!) and enjoyed time in the hammock and very frequent trips to what Parker has now named "the treat drawer."

So...Picasa won't upload some of my camera phone pictures into the collages...so here are some of the favorites...

Cute Claire and Mitch on the way to Park City..

.I have no idea why Burger King chose to put The Vampires on their kids crowns...something about Bella next to darling, sweet Carter just looks wrong. BK, bring back the gold crowns with brightly colored circles please!!

It's a good day when you get lucky enough to 1-get Cayden in the photo, 2-get Cayden smiling and looking at the camera in the photo! Love this little redhead!!

It's a shame that this is the only picture I have of Areta from my trip. Sorry sister. But we all know you're busy reading NieNie or wading through an inbox of 3,425 emails so you won't ever see this, right? ;)

I can 't even get enough of darling Carter with goggles on...this most darling little face, cute cheeks...love, love, love this boy. Love that he's a snuggler, love that he and I spent at least 2 hours one morning at the cabin laughing and snuggling...playing the "do you want a BIG hug or a little hug?" game we made up.

Three cute girls in the hammock...

So...also got to be in Utah over the 4th of July. Had a great day, ran the Kaysville 5k run with Areta and her family (as well as half of Kaysville), then enjoyed the looooong parade (we had perfect seats in the shade (thanks Janay) and even felt a little cold...nice!After parade we went all went swimming with the Peterson's...so much fun.

Then a great dinner...then off to fireworks @ Davis High. I loved that darling, brave Cayden is not afraid of anything (except for the fireworks this year...note the picture of him sitting UNDER the chair...darling)...but then he sat with Grandpa and liked them after all.

More Camera phone favorites from the 4th:

My trip also included: visits to see both grandmas, fun shopping with mom, meals with old friends and new babies (so fun to see you Gaye and Ann...and I'll share my muffins with Noah any day-darling boy!), running in the cool mornings with Areta, Cherry Hill with the Peterson's, lots of shopping with mom, mid-afternoon naps with Mollie the WonderDog, sleeping at night in the cold basement in flannel sheets...HEAVEN, and lots of time to love on my darling nieces and nephews...great trip!

Picacho Peak w/ Sher!

2010-08-01T15:49:00.008-07:00

So. Catch up. Sher visited in May...we had so much fun. I think the highlight for both of us was hiking Picacho Peak. For sure the hardest/best hike I've done. Very steep, Sher and I loved the cables...kind of like rock climbing but with cables instead of harnesses. Awesome.... Lots of pictures... PS-For a good laugh, enlarge the picture above...my face makes me laugh...kiiiiiinda intense. love the picture above of Sher...hello, right out of an REI magazine...intense. At the end we were walking for what felt like HOURS...it was boring and flat and hot and I was out of water...I said "Pally, kinda feels like we're in the movie 'Holes,' don't ya think?" Seriously...Next time we're going the Hunter's Trail way...so we skip the 3 miles of strolling through the Sahara in the heat of the day. (PS-for future reference, May is WAY too hot to do this hike-was over 100 degrees for most of it...October-March...probably perfect).

Mother's Day-Part II

2010-05-09T00:38:00.002-07:00

Preface: this is another of those more "real" kinds of posts that you don't see super often here. But since this IS my blog/journal...I feel entitled. Wait til next week if you want frivolity. XOXO-jb

To my future kids,

So, tomorrow is Mother's Day down here. Kind of a weird day for me. Easy in that I get to think about and celebrate my mom and all that she's done for me...and also all the women I know and love who teach, love and nurture-I am lucky in that there are many.... But hard in that I am not celebrating it as a Mother. And my friends will say that I love & nurture my darling kiddos in therapy and even my new little darling stinky webelos, and my nieces & nephews and my friends children-all of whom I love as if they were mine...

Still. I am waiting for you. I don't know how you will come, I am hoping I will have the experience of feeling the miracle of life, with a tiny you moving in me...I want to know about that. I am also aware that there's a good chance one or more of you may come into my life through adoption and I am excited for that. You may come to me as a big kid with some rough stuff that happened to you before we meet-I'll be ready for that too. I will wrap you up in more hugs than you ever thought possible and we'll do whatever it takes to help you grow up safe.

The mom stuff I feel ready for, it's the wife stuff that's tricky. Where the heck is your dad??!?! Seriously, when he shows up, I'm not sure if I'm going to lecture him about his severe tardiness or kiss him long and hard. This waiting business is making me crazy. Still, I'm not picking a crazy (ask me later about "bike boy," "chick-fil-a" boy, etc). I'm looking for a good dad for you, one who will work hard, love me, and love you all-a lot. Someone who will be gentle but strong and honor his priesthood and his role as a husband and father. We may have to wait for the right one, deal? Once we find him, we get to keep him for always, so it will be worth the wait. Promise.

I started thinking about you guys when I was about 3 and asking my mom when it would be MY turn to be a mom. Most of the time, I'm happy and busy and moving along with life, but always I wonder about you. Always I would pick you over anything else I have going on now. I'm turning 32 soon. I don't really worry about age except when I do the math...I'm now at least 32 years older than the oldest of you (if you're coming to be biologically), which means, I might seem very old to you. When you're graduating from high school, will your friends think I'm your grandma? Don't be mad, okay? And will I be strong and healthy so I can run around with you and your soccer/softball/basketball/tennis/track stuff? (Please don't pick football! I don't want you to get hurt!)

Some of the stuff happening down here is kinda crazy. I worry about what you might have to deal with and I think about and pray for you even though you're not here yet, crazy huh? The only time I'm okay with you not being here yet is when I worry about keeping you safe... I'm sure gonna wish I could shield you from trials, and sickness and hard things...even though that's not really the plan...

Sometimes I don't like going to church on Mother's Day. I don't like it when they make all the women over 18 stand as the deacons pass out flowers or chocolate....and the poor kid coming my way glances back at his mom and mouths "Her?!??! She doesn't even have kids! She's not even married!" and I pretend like I didn't see it because his mom is mortified. As he passes the gift my way, I make a mental note, "I am FOR SURE not coming next year!" Except that I say that every year and every year I go. I was pretty sure I wouldn't go this year except that it's my week to teach gospel doctrine.

So. Tomorrow I will go to church. And all kinds of emotions will surface...because my feelings about the role of women, especially mothers, are more deep and more tender than I will ever be able to express in words. And my love and gratitude for my mom, as well as the other friends/family in my world who love, nurture, protect and teach is profound. As are my feelings about you...

So, my dear little ones. You're not being "picked last," I have wanted you for a long, long, long time. And once you come, I'm keeping you forever and ever and ever.

Love you,
Your (future) Mom

Mother's Day-Part I

2010-05-09T00:00:00.001-07:00

Mother's day growing up was easy and fun...usually involved construction paper cards or some amazing (you read: completely terrible looking) craft from school, including at least two ceramic jewelry boxes which I think mom kept for about 25 years. (I'm sure she wins the award, I'm guessing most moms ditched them about 24.5 years sooner).

So, it still is a great day..a smidge more complicated for me personally (for explanation please see the next post). I love my mom...have called her my "Kool-Aid" mom for about the last 10 years because in the kool-aid commercials, the mom always, always, always shows up with a smiley pitcher of kool-aid at precisely the right moment-assuring her perfect children would never get the slightest bit dehydrated. Granted, my mom loved us enough to NOT allow us to drink kool-aid endlessly...but she was the Queen of all the little things...presents on Valentine's day, green pancakes on St. Patrick's day, a candlelight pizza party on my tiny, tiny, tiny plastic "dishes," and bringing balloons and treats to the classroom for every birthday. She endured "pick-up picnics" (which I'll discuss during the Father's Day post), camping and other outdoor adventures well... She loved me then and loves me now. She worried about me then and she worries about me now. She always did her best...and I'm grateful for that. She was and is a great mom and I've learned so much from her.

No mother is perfect, and she's spent more than a minute apologizing for not being able to find me a REAL Cabbage Patch in 1983 when they were pretty much black-market...she thought the "American Kid" would do and my guess is that she was sad/surprised/devastated when her 5-yr old immediately ripped open the package to check the doll's hiney for the "Xavier Roberts" proof that it was an AUTHENTIC CPK...and found a signature-less bum...sigh. And she dealt pretty well with the teenage Jules who was somewhat mortified when her parents (ym/yw presidents at the time) disco danced during an activity in FULL disco attire. (Truth be told, they WERE good...I believe they had lessons at some point, true or false, mom?).

I was browsing the Mother's day cards recently and found one with a mom and her young son on the front. Inside it says "Behind every great kid is a mom who's sure she's screwing it up." My experiences as a therapist would support the fact that most moms try very hard to do everything they can to help their children. They don't always do things perfectly, but that would be impossible. And most moms worry so much about not being perfect. The older I get, the better my perspective gets (and those of you older than me might laugh because I still have so far to go...) but it's really starting to make sense. I'm sure that when I cross the bridge into motherhood, things will suddenly/abruptly make much more sense. Mom used to tell me "You'll like me when you're older." Well Mom, I'm older. Like you. Love you. Lots.

So...my message to my darling mom and the other women I know and love who are all amazing Mothers...You are amazing. You are making a difference. You are loved, you matter and there's no such thing as perfect parenting...and there doesn't have to be. Your influence reaches far, much further than you know. So. Take a deep breath and get back to relaxing. This is, after all, your day! I love you!

Ragnar Part II: The Tutu

2010-04-26T18:55:00.009-07:00

So...a Ragnar team usually consists of 12 runners...6 in one van, 6 in the other. While van 1 is running, Van 2 rests and vice-versa. The race starts early Friday morning and ends sometime Saturday afternoon...going through the night. My team captain...cute Celeste, is a veteran Ragnar runner and knew the ins and outs...including the joys of having a team costume. I thought we were out of the woods when we were still costume-less the day before the race. But then Costco had to ruin all that for me.

You may or may not be able to tell that this us...digging through a large pile of tutus. Someone found them and jokingly said "It would be funny if..." and in an instant a little joke became a terrible reality. You might be wondering why Costco would be selling adult-sized tutus. Well, don't worry, they weren't. These are little girl's tutus...the largest size being a little girl's 7/8...and while there were a few runners on our team who probably do fit into little girl's clothing, for the rest of us, it was a bit of a tight squeeze. All in the name of fashion?

We got compliments /comments throughout the entire race. People we didn't know asked to take our picture...about 25-30 people (real number, not "Jules number"). And people who didn't ask were also taking our picture. I have a feeling I may one day find not-so-flattering (as if any of them are) pictures of me in a tutu. Men seemed to be particularly interested...as is evidenced in this picture below:

You may have to click on it to see it bigger, but there is a man standing behind us watching...and this is pretty indicative of how things went.

At first I was NOT a fan of this idea. I did fall a little in love with my tutu (and may have even worn it when it wasn't required-like while stretching before the race while watching TV) but still refused to actually wear it while running (most of my teammates wore theirs for all three of their runs). They said "Oh, you will cave...you'll wear it." FALSE! I did not.

Ragnar Part I: The Hill

2010-04-26T18:40:00.005-07:00

This past weekend I completed my first Ragnar (a 2-day, 200-mile relay race)...I say first because I loved it and hope to do another one soon. That being said, the first of my three legs was a 7-mile nightmare of a hill. I have had this little picture (see below) taped to my wall for the past several months and as I've been training I've been looking at it thinking..."I got this, I can so do this..." The nice little chart does indicate an elevation gain...but as the MONSTER hills were in front of me (and kept coming and coming), I suddenly felt that the cute little chart was a GIANT lie...it should have looked more like the heart monitor of a person in the middle of an acute heart attack...with violent spikes. (Which maybe is was my heart was actually doing during the climbing of said hills). However, when I finally got to the top and knew I was at the 5.3 mile mark and that the rest was downhill, I think I remember saying an out loud "Thank you Jesus" that was as sincere a prayer as I have ever uttered.

More pictures and stories to come...but to summarize, I ran 12.7 miles, biked 13 as a pacer (for the middle-of-the-night legs). It was the hardest race I've ever run and I understand why people say a Ragnar is harder than a half or full marathon...just such a different thing... I loved the experience and am excited to run another sometime soon hopefully.

Camping/Hiking...Pat's Run

2010-04-26T18:22:00.005-07:00

More March fun...camping/hiking with friends, including the annual "Burn a Birthday Chair," which is undoubtedly bad for the enviornment and good for bonding with friends...Also ran a local race...happy to have completed it faster than last year...was happy the hills didn't quite hurt as much...

Nat and I before the race...

The starting line...see the balloon arch very far away...yes, the first runners crossed the finish line before most of us began the race...due to a "wave start" and there being about 20,000 runners.

The race ends in the ASU stadium...so many people...

Some friends and I after the race.

Mom and Dad's Visit

2010-04-26T18:03:00.005-07:00

I'm back from my blogging break...here's a quick update...in March, Mom and Dad visited. We had a great time which included: shopping, hiking, eating, playing, etc. (I think my dad may remember it more like: shopping, shopping, shopping...). It was a short visit but we had fun. I think (and hope) they're coming again soon!

A few pictures of our hike...some are of us actually hiking and some are when mom and I played while dad went on a "real hike."

It's That Time Again...

2010-03-10T12:43:00.004-07:00

One day last week, I headed into to the grocery to do my shopping. On my way in I was nearly mauled by 2 very energetic 8-yr olds who pointed at a table with 2 less enthusiastic adult women who were guarding the tower of...you guessed it: Girl Scout Cookies.

So I asked how much...when the tired but smiling mom responded "Four dollars," I wanted to say "What? Didn't they used to be...like...$2.50???" So I say thank you and head into the store sans thin mints. But don't worry, while I shopped for eggs, double fiber english muffins, oranges, and asparagus...thin mint thoughts danced in my head. I completed my (planned) shopping and headed out where same 2 giddy girl scout sellers attacked. I relented. "One box of thin mints please." Shared some with roommates, rationed the rest of the first row out over a few days...and the 2nd row is in the freezer for a later time.

Am I tempted to go back and stock up? Yes. Do thin mint thoughts some times pop up when I least expect it, yet. But will I cave and stock up? No. That would be gluttony. And I'm pretty sure that that is not a virtue that Girl Scouts stand behind. Promoting seasonal obesity, yes. Draining the pockets of unsuspecting grocery shoppers, yes. But gluttony...probably not.

So. Welcome girl scout cookie season. Eat responsibly.

True Story: Part II

2010-03-03T19:09:00.015-07:00

Well friends, I would like to tell you I went on a date with a darling, charming, intellectual, athletic and amazing man. I would like to tell you that on Sunday night, the paths of two lonely singles, not only crossed, but nearly collided-a chance of fate that simply was unavoidable...true love.

I would like to. But I'm a terrible liar. So instead. The Truth.

BikeBoy (name not to be revealed to protect...well, me mostly) texted me...and called me and texted me and called me...so much in 2 days that I was over it before it could even start. Knowing virtually nothing about me, the only questions he ever asked me were "Who do you live with?" and "Where do you live?" He didn't get any details to either question, but asked them both multiple times. A stalker with a bad memory? I don't know. When I asked him (normal people) questions like: What do you like to do? He answered "draw read meditate" when I asked what a few of his favorite books are, he took forever to respond with "Julie! I don't know!" I should know better than to ask such complicated questions.

Bottom line. He didn't pass the "safe enough to dine with in public" test...when he randomly texted "I'll have you"...when I asked him what he meant by that he denied having typed it and said "U must be talkin to some other guy cause i have not a clue wat you mean" and then quickly "Just call me when you're off work, we're still on for tonight, right?" and when I didn't respond "JUST CALL ME WHEN UR OFF WORK!" Tsk, tsk-doesn't he know that ALL CAPS in email or text represents screaming? I'm sorry. No. We don't scream at people when we're still trying to trick them into dating us. Bad form.

Sorry pal. When I delivered the bad news, he wrote ",.ok if u say so"...and while I admit my imperfection in writing and punctuation (I over-use the ellipsis on a constant basis), I have never seen anyone use a COMMA to start a sentence. Hmmm. I find it ironic that his last words were almost exactly his first words:

"Thanks again for almost killing me!"

Don't cry, friends. Not all is lost. I did manage to get a photo of him...and one of he and I. Enjoy.

True Story

2010-03-01T21:33:00.009-07:00

Before I tell this story, I want to make it perfectly clear that I am a safe driver. It's been WELL over a year since I've had even a minor brush with the law, I no longer speed and I have always checked by blind spot. That being said...had a tiny brush with death last night. Not my own so much, but that of a bicyclist.

See. It was 11:34 pm. Approximately. I was driving home from my friend's house and was at a stop sign on a side street. I look left-nothing, look right, nothing...begin to turn right, when suddenly...out of nowhere, there is a guy on a bike literally inches from the front of my car on the passenger side. He was none-too-happy about the fact that I almost killed him (understandably) and yelled "Oh my he--!" (censored to protect the innocent) as he softly pounded the hood of my car. He stops and I can tell he's preparing to really yell at me. I think to myself "So...since technically I didn't hit him, if I just drive off...it's not a hit-and-run, right?!" But then I think of all the times running that I've almost been hit by drivers and decided I at least owe this boy a decent apology. It goes something like this:

Mad Cyclist (MC): "Ahhh! What were you thinking?!?! Didn't you see me?!?"
Me: No, I'm so sorry, I didn't.
MC: Ahhh! You scared me! You seriously almost hit me!
Me: I am very sorry.
MC: What were you thinking?!
Me: (thinking, I know this boy is in shock but this conversation isn't going anywhere) "I'm sorry"
MC: Didn't you see my light?
Me: (getting annoyed and defensive) "No, I didn't, you were going too slow, you hadn't passed me yet and the light is in the back of your bike, not the front!"
MC: "You almost hit me!"
Me: Yeah, I know. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

So imagine that conversation cycling through a few times (nice pun, eh?). I said other brilliant things including "I ride a bike too!" and "I don't just HIT people!!!" (Wow Jules...deep). He said dumb things too. Understandably. Eventually he calmed down and said "I'm sorry, it just scared me." It was then that he said "Can I ask you a question?" To which I respond "Sure"...he asks my name, I tell him, he introduces himself (gives me his hand to shake-through the 3.5 inch gap in the passenger side window) and then he then says:

"I know this is weird, but...do you think I could take you out sometime?"

Are you kidding me?!?! I burst out laughing and said "After I just almost killed you?" He says "Yeah, you seem like a nice girl." Random. So to abbreviate. I have a date with a guy I almost killed. Do not fret, I will meet him in a public place, he has minimal info about me...and I'm guessing this may be a one-time deal. He did smile while talking and say "Maybe this happened for a reason?" Hmmm. Hard to say. I do intend to tell him that next time he should A) get a light for the FRONT of his bike (as per AZ law regarding riding at night) and B) wear a helmet. I will do my part by being more aware. And I will apologize again. Only one more time though, as I still think it's mostly his fault.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-13T08:03:00.005-07:00

I'm pretty sure not having these Love Spectacles in my life is what has kept me from finding my True Love. But, never fear, I am now all set. I will let you know how it turns out. If the glasses work, my mother's dollar will have been very well spent. Thank you Mom.

Face It

2010-02-05T08:48:00.003-07:00

I have some advice for you, my friends:

After you go on an exceptional run...and you are walking in the house-(still reveling in what a big-shot you are for breaking your 6-mile record)...in the dark, rounding the corner you've rounded a thousand times...be careful.

Because if you aren't, you may run a thousand miles an hour SMACK into the wall. You will wonder when and how the wall grew just enough inches longer to fully flatten your otherwise happy little nose. And, your nose will be bleeding before you even peel it off the wall. And you will laugh, even though the blow brought instant, unthinking tears to your eyes, probably because you popped your tear ducts too; you WERE going fast.

The next day, you will feel like someone shot you in the face, through your nose, of course. You will wonder if you will die, you will be pretty certain your brain is swollen and that this REALLY might be the hill you will die on. And you will take some Tylenol and ice your face. And you will live.

But next time, you will turn on the light. And probably just walk as you round the corner you've rounded a thousand times...

whole world in his hands-part three

2010-01-14T23:51:00.005-07:00

so tonight at the temple i wondered about a lot of things. including...how heavenly father can know about me in a non-spanish temple session (apparently they are 1st and 3rd thursdays...whoops), the woman who found out today she has cancer, the people in haiti who are still trapped in collapsed buildings, the 3rd grader who is scared to death of his spelling bee tomorrow, the couple who has just decided to divorce, the couple who just got engaged, the family members living in the united states wondering if their relatives in haiti are alive or dead, the woman who just found out she is finally pregnant after 4 rounds of in-vitro, the parents who are praying for their wayward child, the girl who wrote "haiti" on a slip of paper for the prayer roll tonight at the temple and hoped that no one would get mad-since technically, there isn't a special relationship...but still, the couple who was just told that a birth mother has chosen them, the worry a therapist has constantly in the back of her head for 2 different clients who are suicidal enough to be a concern but not enough to involuntarily commit and hopefully going to make it for their appointments next week, the prayers of a relief society president in boston who aches for everyone in the world because her heart is gold, the loneliness of thousands for a multiplicity of reasons...and the many kiddos all over the world tonight who prayed for and found the stuffed animal that they ALWAYS sleep with.

i'm so glad he's in charge.

so glad.

01/10/10

2010-01-10T16:03:00.003-07:00

2010. Pretty much sounds like a sci-fi date I heard back when I was about 10...a date that would never get here. Only it did. I'm pretty sure that I imagined that in 2010 there would be flying cars, little "Jetson-esque" appliances that would create and cook your food for you, and other such "inventions of the future." Turns out 2010...is just another year. One that I'm looking forward to. It's also the beginning of a new decade...which makes me think about all that has changed in the last ten years...here's a little rundown of the the last 10 years of my little life:

served a mission
completed my bachelors degree
completed my masters degree
got rear-ended on the freeway, said goodbye/hello to totalled/new Corollas
moved to Arizona
spent at least 1 year wondering WHY I moved to Arizona
was excited and devastated when friends Lisa and Sher left the single world and joined the married world
worked at Tertulia-loved the darling Hispanic kids
realized I hated driving to Phoenix everyday-terrible commute
stressed about the hassle of licensure to become an LCSW (licensed clinical social worker)
met Kat @ Tertulia-we're a strange little mormon-atheist combo...good friends
had lots of fun with roommates Amy, Natalie and Alisa-usually involved singing, dancing, and on occasion, the Seahawk 400 by moonlight
left Tertulia to work at SBH-"trial by fire" in community mental health agency
learned a ton at SBH
met new friends Rachelle and Megan (sisters)-worked with Rachelle @ SBH and loved all the fun we had together there
jumped through all necessary hoops for LCSW licensure, almost wept with joy when it was complete
was in an amazing singles ward for 4 years-met many great friends
was sad when that ward was dissolved
went (with some trepidation) to a family ward
loved my new ward
became good friends with Areta and her family when they moved to Gilbert
spent many hours with Areta and family-they became an extension of my family
cried at the kitchen table over pizza when Claire announced (accidentally) that they were moving back to UT
got teased profusely for crying at the table over pizza
began running on a more regular basis
taught Sunbeams
loved and adored the Sunbeams
cried when I moved and had to leave the Sunbeams
enjoyed trips with family to Lava Hot Springs-had so much fun there
started working at LDS Family Services 1 day a week
met great friends there
was excited for my friends who began families
cried a little about not beginning a family....still
spent hours with Cami and family-swimming, talking, cooking, laughing, movies, shopping, coloring, walking...lots of Sundays at her house...many fun hours
started working @ Family Strategies-left SBH
was happy to be working in private agencies, out of community mental health
met Kathy and her family-who have become family
cried-struggled-worked-journaled-grew
began regular lunches with my dear friend and co-worker Anita
flew home to UT many times...for weddings, summer and winter visits, etc.
never had enough time at home, spent a week "mourning" every time I came back to AZ
moved in with Rachelle and Megan
new ward-new calling-gospel doctrine teacher
became better acquainted with friends Sue and Norm-love them both dearly
realized that moving to AZ was absolutely a good choice-settled in
ran my first 5k, 10k and half-marathon races
loved having UT friends and family visit
"The Great Closet Cleanout of 2009"-Areta deserves a purple heart for her valor in that endeavor-I vaguely remember that at one point, I may or may not have been on the floor crying at the pain of 1-saying goodbye to so many clothes and 2-being forced to focus on one task for what felt like 14 hours straight.
got introduced to woot.com and steepandcheap.com
bought more than a few items from the websites mentioned above. danger.
trips: Hawaii, Boston, New York, Pennsylvania, Utah (many), Kansas
went on some dates. some were great. others-well, that's a topic for another post.
got teased some more for crying over pizza at the kitchen table
got a bodybugg
became best friends with bodybugg and lost 60
got introduced to boxing, fell in love, bought my own pink gloves
learned that the 30's...are a great decade...a good place to be in life
laughed, cried, played, learned, stressed, ached, slept, hugged, loved, smiled, prayed, wondered, suffered....grew.

Good 10 years overall. Amazing how much can change in 10 years... Let's see what the next ten bring...

Holiday Fun 2009

2010-01-10T14:58:00.004-07:00

I had a great time with family and friends. I was able to spend a little time with a couple of friends, wish I had time to see everyone...not possible though. :( I'd say the highlight was being amused by darling Cayden...had so much fun watching him, he is the funniest kid. He is absolutely adorable and I am grateful I got to spend lots of time with him. Had fun with family, was entertained at both the Blair and Harmer Christmas parties...mostly by my siblings. Due to the unsecured nature of this blog, (meaning I can't be certain who reads it), you-the reader will miss out on some quality family party stories that will have to remain untold. Sad day. But I am laughing to myself as I type this...sorry I stole the bathroom Rand. A little sorry. But not very.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year!

"Way Better Than the Last Flight"

2010-01-03T21:52:00.007-07:00

I had a great flight home on Friday night. Mostly because I was lucky enough to sit by two adorable unaccompanied (and unrelated) kids. Two little boys, I'm guessing the middle seat boy was about 6 and the window boy was probably 9.

The younger one, right next to me was adorable. I tried not to ask too many questions as I was guessing he'd gotten a "Don't talk to strangers" schpill prior to getting on the plane....but I did say hi and ask him where he was headed. "Home-well, back to mom's house."

We sat quietly for a second before he nudged my arm and said "Hey, wanna know how I got that backpack?" (pointing to a new-looking navy backpack under the seat in front of him). "Yes, tell me!" "Well, I won it! At my dad's new wife's mom's bingo thing...and there were teenagers there, who won Wonder Woman ones." "Oh my gosh, what did they think of that?" "Well, they were BOYS so I bet they hated it..." "Yeah, you're way lucky that you got a boy backpack." "I know, huh?"

From there it was non-stop talking, Tyler and I became good buddies. Found out his name from the "I love Tyler" note on the napkin his step-mom packed in his dinner....when he saw it he said "oh, nice....she always writes me nice stuff like that." I noticed that he kept it. Tyler had been visiting his dad. He gave me fairly in depth movie reviews on: Avatar, Sherlock Holmes, New Moon, Terminator 3 and several others. I was not pleased to hear that this little wonder, whose feet did not even touch the floor, had seen many movies that I would never see myself, let alone allow a cute kiddo like him to see. I was also not surprised then, when he told me the snowman he made that day had "squished cherries for eyes that looked like they were bleeding....and was wearing a bikini." Oh Tyler, dang it.

This is the same boy who, when he spilled his hot chocolate, said: "Oh man! Now it looks like I peed my pants!" To which I replied "Nah, it's on the sides and besides, it'll dry before we even land, watch." About 30 minutes later "Yeah, look, it's almost dry...good!" He almost didn't get a drink...and when he finally did he said "Yeah, they sell it for free." Darling boy.

I watched as he and the boy next to him perused the SkyMall magazine...they'd often poke me and say "Hey, look at this...it's R2D2" and show me their favorites...the things they wish they had. I always love watching how kids can become friends in seconds. The older boy was a bit showy and bossy...he's been to China, has a PSP AND a Wii, goes flying in his uncle's jet all the time...etc. He was visiting his grandparents. I did wonder what grandparent sends a child on a plane with three hot dogs (cold in the original bag...and bunless)...and a huge back of chips. (I also wondered the circumstances that allowed his parents to be okay with not having him on Christmas...but I'm sure I don't know the details.) But, he did love the hot dogs and boasted that once he ate a whole pack. I believed it. He tried to get Tyler to give up his sandwich. I was proud of Tyler for holding his own...although he did share his fritos and oreos with neighbor boy...and offered them to me as well. I pretty much adored Tyler. When he got his pretzels and peanuts, he was very obviously distressed about what to do with his gum. I laughed inside as I (as I do daily) just swallowed mine. But after my snacks were gone and he was still sitting with them burning a hole in his tiny hands, I held out my wrappers and said "Here, put your gum in here." He said "Are you sure, are you done?" He said thanks about 6 times. Very polite and kind kid. Pretty much wanted to keep him.

While looking @ SkyMall, he saw an ad for pictures of various Presidents of the US. He casually asked "So, who did you vote for?" "McCain." "Me too," he replied. He then said, "I don't like Obama." "Oh really, how come?" "He's letting bad people into our country." When the two little boys started talking about 9-11, (September 11th is the older boy's birthday), I don't know that I've ever felt more sad about it. Hearing them talk about it (keep in mind Tyler was not even born when it happened, but was very aware and when we landed said "Phew, I was worried we were gonna get hijacked") made my heart hurt. The older boy said "Oh, they made all these new laws and stuff, so now it's like way safe-it can't ever happen again now." Tyler responded "Yeah, we're like the most safe because someone just tried it, but got caught..so once that happens the bad guys get scared and don't try it for a while so there's like 99.9999% chance that they won't try again for a long time...til they forget about getting in trouble and try it again. But not today, not for us."

As we got close to landing he said "I hope my mom is there. Sometimes she is late..." He wiggled and squirmed and seemed generally nervous. I responded and was grateful with the neighbor boy also said "Oh, she'll come, and besides, they won't leave you, they have to stand right next to you till your parent gets you, it's the rules." Sometimes reassurance works better coming from another kid.

Shortly before landing, Tyler said "this was way better than the last flight." I'm not sure why he said that, but I hoped it was a little because he sat by two people who listened to him. (9 yr old even shared his DS briefly, although he was a bit critical of how Tyler drove the race car). We landed and said goodbye but I stuck around the terminal, interested to see who the parents were of each of these boys...and especially hoping Tyler's mom was on time. She was. Phew.

At baggage claim, Tyler saw me and said excitedly "Oh, hey! Hi!!!" His mom looked at me strangely, and I said "Is this your son? I got to sit by him on the plane, he is a great kid, very smart, very kind." She smiled weakly at me, said "I know" and turned away. Hmmm. If I was the mom and found out an adult had been kind to my child who had been flying alone, I would have responded differently I think. Neither she nor her boyfriend seemed very interested in Tyler's stories as he excitedly chatted while waiting for his luggage. Situations like that kill me. People like me...dying for kids...parents like that...annoyed by the children they do have. Crazy.

Anyway. Long post. But...it's been 2 days and I'm still thinking about darling, baby-faced Tyler with his glasses, star wars t-shirt and new backpack from step-grandma's bingo....

For the LOVE!

2009-12-24T09:44:00.005-07:00

Last night I agreed to meet my friend Areta to go for a run this morning. I ran here Tuesday (mid-day) and didn't die, though I realized later it was a full 50 degrees colder than the last day I ran when I was in Arizona.

So I was meeting her around 7 am...still dark. I had less than positive thoughts about this whole idea as I awoke after only approximately 300 minutes of sleep. When I got to the dark, freezing outside...it was...well, dark and freezing. I thought "I wonder how cold it is...wait, I don't want to know." The good news? In order to stay warm, you HAVE to run...and you WANT to run...so I did...even up the steep and icy hill...it was worth it (as it always is) and half-way through I repented silently for thinking this wasn't a good thing.

It was worth it. And only after I'd gotten home did I check the temperature...

16 degrees?!?!?!?

Christmas Break: Day One

2009-12-21T14:39:00.010-07:00

Cayden is adorable. I am having so much fun with him. He is completely tormented by the fact that there are presents under the tree that are not for unwrapping today. He keeps asking...and we keep saying "Pretty soon, but Santa has to come first...Thursday...really soon, but not today." And he sighs and says "Oh." Then, when no one is looking, he tries to stealthily open one before getting caught. He happened to pick one that was for me and it took ALL my strength not to peek as I closed the gift up and put it back. He then decided that he was going to be Santa...and put all the presents on his sleigh (couch). I decided this game would work; it meant some harm to the gifts in that sometimes 3-yr olds are slightly less than gentle while moving things to and fro...but would allow him to be involved with the presents in a way that would buy some time until the next petition: "Can we open them NOW?"

Enjoy the movies...Cayden Claus...and "Air Traffic Control." Could he BE any cuter?!?!

The Grass is Always Greener...

2009-12-14T21:54:00.006-07:00

I usually post pictures and stories that are cheerful, fun and/or frivolous. This is not one of them. I'm taking a risk here by being a bit more "real" than usual... I guess it's good to be real sometimes...because I am convinced that our "frivolity"and difficulty being real prevents us from really being connected. It also results in me hearing things like "you have so much freedom, you are so lucky, you get to do everything you want, it must be so nice, I'd give anything to have that kind of time..." and the like. I understand the comments and if you're one of the people who have said them please know that I am not offended/mad/sad at you. But I do want to say this...

The Grass Is Always Greener....

Because tonight I went to a Christmas party for work...and it was me...and me. When I go to church, I am my own bench, I am my own family. Sometimes there is no where to sit and I feel like it's just me in a sea of families...and some days it hurts enough that I want to stand up and walk right out. This is not how I planned it. My "beehive plan" has gone terribly awry, it kinda all hit the fan when I graduated with my Master's degree...unmarried. I don't really even have a framework for how to be 31 and single. I am just figuring it out I guess. Like we all do with our stuff.

When I see countless darling children in therapy (almost all of which I would keep if I could) who ask me how many kids I have...the conversation always leads to them asking a very baffled "Why?!?! Why don't you have kids...well, why aren't you married?! Don't you WANT to have kids? Don't you WANT a husband?!?! Weird!!!" They just look at me perplexed and I have "tried on" many different answers and still not found one that really works...so I resort to: "I promise to tell you when I get a husband." That seems to appease.

So...to the many who see my life and wish to trade...I will say this...I know you are envious of my free time, my ability to nap, the opportunity to go to the bathroom without an audience, quiet, freedom, etc. This I understand.

I just want you to know...I am jealous that you have darling little wonders to snuggle and tuck in bed at night, that you know with whom you will be this Saturday night, who you will sit by in church and on whom you will the focus the majority of your love, time, efforts and prayers (for the rest of your lives). I'm jealous of how it might feel on Mother's day in church, or how your hearts must melt when tiny arms wrap you up in big "You're the best in the whole world" hugs, and how it might be to come home to someone who wants to see you more than they want to see anyone else in the world.

And I know you're thinking "Dream on Jules, think about the spaghetti dripping down the walls, the baby with a nose that perpetually runs and makes me worry, 8,439 trips a day to a billion places, endless trips to the doctor and way more than we'd like to the ER, kids who fight FAR more than they get along, not enough sleep (ever) and homework that not even I know how to do..." I get that.

Still, the grass looks awfully green over there.

So...I just want to say...I'm sure there are days we would trade straight across. And if we did, there would be days when we'd beg to switch back. Make no mistake, I am very grateful for all that I do have...which is a lot. I am happy, I love my life and the people in it. I am grateful for the things I am learning, I know things happen for a reason and I believe very much in the Lord's timing...I understand that life will happen as it's supposed to...but at times I still freak out that maybe my job is to love a billion children and keep none of them...at least not in this life.

And regarding the grass again...everyone's patch has weeds...most of which you never see. You know what I'm talking about because you know your own weeds...the things that cause you pain or worry or heartache or stress...and you also know that few people really know how it is for you. I bet you've also all experienced people at some point wishing for your life because to them, it looks better...easier...more fun...and you may have been thinking "If you only knew..." I have thought that before. More than once.

Truth is...we are all lucky. We all have more than we deserve and in the end, it all works out. The middle can be awfully scary. I work with a lot of people in the "scary middles" of their lives. Unfortunately for some of my little wonders, the "scary middles" come way too soon. I am grateful for what I learn...from the many lives that affect mine. Grateful for the gospel. It is the good news. It is what promises us that the end can be Perfect...no matter what the middle brings.

Last Catch-up: November

2009-12-13T22:41:00.004-07:00

Okay...so in November...we celebrated Rachelle's (aka "Pana") birthday....Cute picture of Rachelle and Megan (my cute roommates who are also sisters)...I ran my first 10K on Thanksgiving day. I would have loved the race had I not been having a bit of trouble with kidney stones...still, I was determined to finish the dang thing, and I did. So...shameless self portrait...pre-race.And another race shirt I will cram in my drawer and wear only very occasionally.After the race, I went with my friend Kathy and her family to spend the day at her sister, Julie's house. We had a great time. I missed my family but was grateful to have been able to spend time with Kathy and her family. We even went "early" black Friday shopping and Kathy was able to thwart the efforts of all the nay-saying wal-mart workers who were convinced she couldn't buy the dang bedspread set until 5 am...you showed them Kath!!! :)

Catch-up: Anna's Visit

2009-12-13T22:32:00.005-07:00

Also...my darling friend Anna came to visit...she moved back to UT after 5? years of living here...we had so much fun when she lived here. From car clogging (my speciality) to shopping, "the bicycle," and "Hansel and Gretel chips," our fun was always random and usually involved being awake much later than was necessary. I miss having her here...was so fun to see her. Anna and Kirsten...cute.

This picture is ridiculous. I have no explanation and include it only because it makes me laugh every time I see it. Jules?!?! Really?!?!

Catch-Up...The Derby

2009-12-13T22:09:00.005-07:00

In November...the Demolition Derby...which is quite possibly one of the most INSANE events in the world. It is hard to say which is more entertaining...the cars crashing or the people who are there to watch the cars crashing...either way...quite the spectacle.

The car I picked...Devo...performed poorly...and didn't even make it past the first round. I'm obviously a novice. I picked him mostly because his driver had what looked like a Lego hat on...that seemed like good luck...or something.My friend Natalie and I...enjoying the show.

Catch-up, Boston

2009-12-13T21:49:00.006-07:00

After visiting Tere, I flew to Boston to visit my good friend Linn who lives in Canton. We had so much fun...talking, talking and more talking. One day I was still in my pajamas when her kids arrived home from school. They looked at both of us in our pajamas and they said nothing with their mouths but their eyes told us they were wondering what the heck we'd been doing all day. Funny. Linn and I realized it had been about 14 years since we'd seen each other...but you would never have known it by the way we talked and laughed...so much fun. My last night there we ate at an amazing restaurant...after eating we left and made our way back to the car...while crossing the street she "went for it" and I thought I wouldn't make it (didn't know the "pedestrians have the right of way" rule in Canton) so the result was me confusing the heck out of the driver who almost hit me...and then both of us laughing so hard at the side of the road that passers-by were staring and I was pretty sure I'd die either from the cold or from laughing so hard...Fun. Love you Linny! Thanks for a great trip. When are you coming to Arizona?!?!

Catch-up...Lancaster, Pennsylvania

2009-12-13T21:27:00.007-07:00

Dear Everyone,

I'm very far behind. Quick catch-up...

October...went to visit my friend Tere in Pennsylvania. We used to work together and I've missed her a bunch since she moved about 2 years ago. We had a great time. She is amazing and the weather was incredible.

We went miniature golfing...Look at this place., are you kidding me?!? No offense, Cherry Hill...this was for sure the most amazing "course" I've ever seen!

????????????????

2009-11-09T22:20:00.008-07:00

I am emerging from my den of silence to ask....how in the world does one qualify for this email???

"Did you suffer a gallbladder injury while using birthcontrol?"

No, as it turns out I didn't. And while we're on the subject, I don't want to make any organs/body parts bigger/smaller, especially the ones that do not pertain to my gender. I do not care if you are from CzechoslaIndiaPakiTurkeyStan and have a phenomenal deal for me, I am too smart to send you my credit card info, blood type, and SS number in exchange for
$$534,553,333 USD. No, thanks, I'll pass. And I also do not need a degree, a new job, a pet, a girlfriend, a snuggie, a shamwow, a new nose, permanent makeup, or to make a billion dollars by working from home after I send you $192 to tell me how it works. I'm just not interested. So real people...keep the emails coming. Everyone else...please head directly to the folder titled J-U-N-K. Gracias.

PS...real post coming soon...trip to Lancaster/Canton...Demolition derby photos...get excited!

Arizona Pros & one (pesky) Con

2009-10-11T22:39:00.006-07:00

I have a love/hate relationship with Arizona. Truth is...it's turning into more of a love/love relationship every day. Especially now that it's "fall." Which basically means...I can justify flannel sheets (due to what the calendar says, not the thermometer). I put them on this weekend and although I may still have to sleep with a fan, I don't care. Give a girl her flannel.

Another perk...hiking in October....November, December...and pretty much up until May. Amazing. Running outside all year long (though not recommended in July-Sept...I did it anyway...kind of miserable). It's perfect now...in fact on Friday I thought "Man, I'm gonna have to wear a LONG-SLEEVE t-shirt soon." I know, amazing. In Utah, it's freezing and I'm guessing many are heading to the gym. In AZ, the gym membership dips in the winter...as everyone is outside.

Here are a few pictures from yesterday's hike...not much to see, quite honestly, it was dirt, cacti and more dirt...and some cool white rocks that...according to the Hiker Man we met..."grew up out of the ground"...sounds good to me.

One of the not-so-great things about this blessed land...scorpions. When I was packing to move here, my biggest fear was snakes...have seen zero so far. In fact the last snake I saw was on trip to Utah...on Sher's front grass (remember that Pally?). Previous to that...dad and I found a small snake in the garage at home in UT the day we were loading the trailer to move here...dad joked "He wants to hitch a ride to see ALL his relatives where you live!" Mean.

This little guy was hanging out in my shower. Glad I found him before he found me. It is getting a little old, the whole scorpion finding-catching-freezing-disposing cycle. I am grateful that as the cold(er) weather comes, the scorpions disappear. Hallelujah. I will not miss them in the least.

New York

2009-10-04T15:40:00.004-07:00

A few weeks ago Mom took Kim, Suz and I to New York. It was a great trip which included: delicious granola/yogurt breakfast every morning @ Fluffy's deli, bus tour of the city, empire state building, 2-hr scenic boat ride around Manhattan...including seeing Statue of Liberty (my camera did not cooperate, thus no photos of Lady Liberty), chance to play on the big piano at FAO Schwartz, delicious honey roasted peanuts purchased from street vendors, negotiating prices with the locals for amazing/imposter items sold as reasonable prices, chance to see the musical Lion King (loved it), walking through Central Park on a Sunday morning, being amazed at Times Square and the busy-ness of it even at 1 am, lots of walking, lots of people watching, and just 4 days full of new, fun things.

Office Surprises...

2009-09-23T21:08:00.004-07:00

I often have little snacks in the corner of my desk at work to eat between sessions. On occasion these snacks create a distraction...in the form of darling children saying "I'm so hungry," or "Lunch at school was SO gross, so now I'm STARVING...I wish I had some food!" (as they very obviously eye the fruit or box of raisins or whatever it is that is hiding the the corner). I have no trouble sharing whatever I have with these little wonders, but I have to ask their parents to clear it...make sure we have no food allergies, yadayadayada...and then the parents get embarrassed and say "I promise I feed him!" So...to avoid this situation, I usually just keep my stuff out of sight. Sometimes WAY out of sight. Like 4-7 weeks out of sight.

Take this pear for instance.

Yes, it is (or WAS) a pear. I'm sure I hid it behind my books to avoid the "I'm too hungry for therapy "syndrome...but forgot it was there. To my great surprise, it shriveled right up, right there on my desk. It did not stink, no juicy debris melted out...just a perfectly shrunken and dried-up pear. For some reason...the fact that the little sticker held on for dear life, through it all...amazes me and I feel it would be wrong to throw this dead pear away. Brave little sticker. Hold on tight.

P.S. New York pictures coming soon...

Camelback

2009-08-29T19:35:00.010-07:00

Yesterday my friend Natalie and I hiked the Echo Canyon trail on Camelback mountain. Not long in terms of distance...only 1.2 miles up....however, there is a gain of 1263 feet in elevation. So yeah...steep. Average grade is 40%...some places is more than 60%...hands and feet kind of steep...a good, hard hike.

At the top we made friends with a little chipmunk/squirrel (chipirrel, squipmunk...let's face it...they are the same animal to me) who enjoyed sharing my edamame chips...so much so that when I stopped feeding him, he came and climbed on my backpack that was sitting by me to beg for more. Sorry, Chippy, only brought a few and you got almost all of them-you little piggie.

Don't get mad animal people...the chips are organic. I'm sure totally safe for his tiny little system. (Confession: during a slightly less-focused part of my worship @ church today, I wondered if he was dead on Camelback mountain due to edamame intolerance). Look @ his cute little fingers... "Chippy"...

This is near the beginning...steep...two sections where there are metal rails...except when it's 100 degrees outside and the rail temperature is approximately 4,583,982 degrees-you use the fence instead...it's a tiny bit less likely to burn your hands.

Love this picture of cute Natalie laughing at the top...adorable. She's so fun. Such a great time...thanks Nat, love you much!

Whole World...Encore

2009-08-27T19:37:00.002-07:00

Okay...I can't not post this. I had to decide between two...look @ this darling kiddo. It starts getting extra-darling around 1:16....stop it! I laugh OUT LOUD every time I watch it. Darling little wonder.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Orv5v4rLfk&feature=related

Whole World in His Hands...

2009-08-26T15:42:00.011-07:00

Today I had to do something that I knew would be hard (nothing Earth-shattering, just difficult, don't ask...I'll tell you later). On my way to do this hard thing, I was listening to the radio (KLOVE...a Christian radio station) and heard an artist mention that "Jesus has got the world in his hands." This made me remember a song I once learned and sang when I was about 3 or 4 and a member of a little singing group called Sunshine Generation. As I drove, I sang it and it made me smile. It's true. He DOES have the whole world in His hands. Including me. Always has. Always will. No matter what.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDG5rUexXRc

Attention Utah...listen up!

2009-08-17T22:27:00.011-07:00

Dear Friends and Family in Utah,

Good news...my good friend Kathy Crouse is coming to UT...she's an amazing photographer...and will be in Utah at the end of this month. So...if you have a darling baby...cute kid...or other person who you love and want photographed (come on...admit it...the school photos...inevitably after recess and lunch...don't do your little one justice, right?) feel free to check out her work and get in touch with her....she has room in her schedule for a couple more shoots.

http://kathryncrousephotography2.blogspot.com/

Slip sliding away...

2009-07-14T22:24:00.004-07:00

So today as I was wrapping up a therapy session with an 11-yr old girl we were making small talk as we were leaving my office. Suddenly things didn't feel so very correct with my clothing in the lower region of my body. I felt something...sliding. I looked down at my ankles...and sure enough...all of my slip was gathered there...covering my feet. When cute 11-yr old realized, she covered her mouth with her hand and gasped. I laughed and said: "Well, excuse me. My slip has fallen off. Sometimes these things happen." And I then attempted to shimmy it back up to its proper location without exposing anything. I feel as though it went well, and my client and I had a good laugh. I'm sure (hoping) it will do wonders for our therapeutic alliance...now that she's seen me be (very) human.

That would be a good enough story alone. Sad news is...this is not the first time my slip has deceived me. Once, about 7 years ago (yes, the slip is that old...waste not, want not)....I was crossing a very busy street...happened to be in SLC...you know the cross walk between temple square and the conference building? Yes the very intersection that is 100% guaranteed to ALWAYS be FULL of cars? The middle of that crosswalk is a great place to have your slip fall to your ankles. That time however...there was no "shimmy time" at my disposal and I made the executive decision to avoid risking my life by such delay. Instead...I casually walked out of the slip...bent down, wadded it up and put it in my purse, held my head and I kept walking. As any distinguished lady would do.

Time to buy a new slip.

Gratitude List

2009-07-11T22:58:00.001-07:00

I am grateful for:

air conditioning
air conditioning
air conditioning
Asics shoes...especially my new ones waiting for their first run
Camelbak water bottle (stainless steel...keeps water cold longer)
family...and an upcoming trip home to see them
friends who love me and make me laugh
fun times with Cole, Will and Carter last night...hugs & games & laughing & stories...best cure to a grumpy night
pink boxing gloves
flip flops
the temple
ceiling fans
friends who come visit me in AZ
the possiblity of buying a house within the next 6 months
red potatoes
my ipod
Kohls and 15% off coupons
soft t-shirts that fit perfectly
friends/roommates who make me laugh every day
planned trips to visit friends...the anticipation that builds each month
our new Bosu ball
sleep

Canada 2

2009-06-09T23:15:00.009-07:00

More Canada pictures...

Cute baby Ryann who was an angel...so happy and fun. One of my very most favorite moments was the afternoon when she and I were letting her sweet mama sleep (after a bit of a long night for the two)...we sat out on the balcony looking at birds, listening to the cars...feeling the breeze and eventually...falling asleep. A balcony, a breeze and a sleeping baby on your lap...what could be more peaceful??

Not a great picture, but got the chance to see Chantal Kreviazuk in concert. I bet you've heard her music...my favorite songs: Wonderful, In This Life...and some more. Check her out...

Last one...Kathy and I near the top of the waterfall. Note that I'm wearing my favorite Galyan jacket. Ahhh. I jumped right at the opportunity to wear it the second it was just a tiny bit cold. :)

So...thanks for a great trip, Kath...loved it, love you.

Canada!

2009-06-09T22:14:00.022-07:00

So...I was invited by my amazing friend Kathy to go to Canada with her and her cute baby girl, Ryann. We found killer $29-each-way tickets to Great Falls, Montana. From there we rented a car (thank you nice Thrifty for the Subaru upgrade with only 1,000 miles, we love you!)...we had fun driving and talking and made our way to Lethbridge, Alberta. (Which for future reference, is a city and a province...and if you make the mistake of saying Lethbridge, Canada...you will be mocked by your favorite Canadian, right Kath? ...Mesa, USA...punk! ;) We made it through the border after what felt like 49 years of wait time...and were happily on our way.

The next day we spent time with her family...I got to see Lethbridge...which is beautiful. Trees (of all varieties, not just palm, though I'm still a lover the palm...yes, Sara and Mogeets..."palm tree!") Loved the pine trees, clean smell and cool air. I felt very homesick. Loved meeting her family, they were darling and kind. Loved having a "slushee" every day. Now folks, these are NOT the typical 7-11 dealios. No. Ice cream (that is for sure the best I've ever had) mixed with some heavenly concoction that is like the slurpee, but BETTER!!! When Kathy told me about them i thought "Whatever, how good can they be?" Yeah, I was wrong. Amazing.

Went to a family BBQ where i got to meet and make friends with her darling niece Autumn, who was quiet and shy and I was bound and determined to get a smile outta her. Taught her brother, Oakley my 1 soccer move. 6 yr olds are pretty easy to please.

The next day Kath and I hiked "Bear's Hump" in Waterton. Short, but steep... The view from the top was amazing...(see picture at the top). This mountain is aptly named as there are very frequent bear sightings. We saw zero. I did not complain.

After Bear's Hump, we saw more of Waterton...it's a cute little town, kind of a cross between Park City and Ephraim. This animal...a ram?...was found grazing on the front lawn of one of the residents. Many deer were out and about and we watched some kids walk up to and touch one of them.

While we were there, Kathy (a professional photographer) took many great pictures. I followed behind and wished and hoped to be like her. I love this one of her.

And this one too...

She is considering making me her jr. apprentice. I am crossing my fingers. I love photography and am amazed by the work she does.

In Waterton is this waterfall.

Near this waterfall was this little ladybug. Love the drops of water from the spray off the fall. Cute little bug on a rail.

Another "jr. apprentice" moment. Me shooting Kath shooting the Magrath grain elevators that look like milk cartons. Had I been a REAL apprentice, I would have gotten OUT of the car so that you wouldn't see the BUGS on the windshield, thus marring an otherwise interesting photo. There was traffic, major road. I was being careful, not lazy. I think.

May

2009-06-09T21:45:00.012-07:00

Dear Everyone:

My blog has been neglected (though not nearly as neglected as the blogs of Mom and Lindsay). I have to many things to say so I will have to start somewhere...here goes. May was good. Here's what happened:

i had a birthday. blew out all 31 of my candles with speed and stealth. my wish is bound to come true.

celebrated the graduation of my cute friend Taelor...(love you Taez!)

And what else? Worked, played, laughed. Oh! And fell in love with boxing and my new gloves...

AND! Went to Canada...see next post for that though....

Still

2009-04-19T22:09:00.006-07:00

"Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than

the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice,

while continuing to affirm inwardly

that life with all its sorrows

is good;

that everything is meaningful

even if

in a sense beyond our understanding;

and that there is always tomorrow."

-Dorothy Thompson

Amazing Gracie

2009-03-29T23:16:00.005-07:00

Today was my last day with the WonderBeams. A few minutes into opening exercises of primary, I noticed that Grace was crying. I asked what was wrong but she wouldn't talk. Her mom was in the room and I asked her if she know why Grace was crying. She replied "I think she's sad you're going, the day you had a sub she cried like this the whole way through class." So her mom picked her up and held her and when mom had to go, Grace (still crying) came to sit in my lap. She snuggled into me and sat more still then I've ever seen her. Adorable. I don't know what it is but I've loved her from the first minute she told me she wanted a BIG chair, NOT a little one! She's fiesty and I love her heart. Darling little wonder. Her mom handed me a card and said "I want you to know this is what Grace told me to write, WORD for WORD!" And so, dear readers...here it is...my goodbye letter from Amazing Grace:

"Dear Sister Blair,
I like doggies. Puppies like a little bit of dots. I love you too. Little ghosts are swimming in a box. I'll miss you. Seven is little. Indian is five. Thank you for being my teacher."
Love, Gracie"

i STILL hate change

2009-03-22T15:30:00.007-07:00

once upon a time, when i was 18, a friend of mine and i were in a "discussion" about something that at the time was important. when she felt she was losing the battle, her retort to me was "well....you just don't deal well with change." i sat there in the car thinking "that was a lame comeback...seriously, that's all you got?" now, i laugh and think "dang HER, she was RIGHT!"

i hate change. i love it, but i hate it. many things in my life have changed in the last several years (and months, and days). many more things will change in the next several. it will all work out for my good. but, sometimes, late on a saturday night...i sit down in the silence and dig in my heels and decide that change and i are not friends. it's a ridiculous battle. in the "jules vs. change" war...i always come out getting what i need, but not always what i think i want. and in the middle, i always squirm.

Happiness Is...

2009-03-17T00:00:00.007-07:00

running outside at sunset when the whole world smells like orange blossoms
sitting in the hammock, talking on the phone
friends who are consistent
laughing so hard my insides hurt
flannel sheets til May (yes, even in Arizona)
sitting on the floor eating goldfish crackers with the wonderbeams
realizing everything will be okay
learning more about heaven, deciding it's not so bad
flip flops all year long
reconnecting with long lost friends who mean the world to me
living through 3 yrs in a scorpion-infested house
friday lunches with a friend who loves me and makes me laugh
watching the kiddos with whom i work heal
hearing the voices of people to whom i'm connected
daring to clean out my closet and throwing lots away
baked potato for dinner
making friends with change
long talks with people who listen to me
being hugged
a glass of chocolate milk after long runs (runner's world recommended)
receiving letters in the mail
noticing and loving little things people do...quirks
the color red
holding hands
the smell of pine
giving up trying to control people, things, situations
"soft" people
being friends with myself
"try, try" by rachel mcgoye
being friends with brave people
depth
crunchy leaves
rowing in the seahawk 400 at dusk. especially at christmas...christmas lights on water. amazing.
being comfortable in my own skin
turning 30
laughing when your business cards come in printed wrong...for the 2nd time
having painted toenails...but never painted fingernails
letting go
staying up way too late, regretting it in the morning...repeating the cycle endlessly

oh man.

2009-03-12T00:22:00.005-07:00

you know it's late when you're actually considering buying an underwater Hawk Scout Aqua Scooter off woot.com for $99.99. and you live in Arizona, AND you don't know how to scuba dive. at all. and you don't have even a home swimming pool.

Beams and such.

2009-03-01T16:21:00.007-07:00

Good day with the WonderBeams....lesson was "I am grateful for water." When I asked a (poorly thought-out question) "What would we drink if we didn't have water?" and Grace screamed "MILK!!!" I laughed. Yes, milk. True. What was I thinking? I also learned that Adam has never in his 4 years seen snow. We all agreed that Waddle the Penguin lives on ice and for some crazy reason while talking about how we use water to bathe, I felt inclined to tell the kids about Zip the cat who takes baths, not with water, but with his tongue. They were fairly grossed out and yet, for some strange reason I feel quite confident that at least one or two of my beams are going to to deny conventional baths this week and request a "cat bath." Whoops.

Elise also asked if she could have some gum. When I told her I didn't have any she was quiet for a while. About 10 minutes later she said "Well, you could just share some of the stuff you already got in your mouth." And honestly, if I didn't think I would have been frowned at by every adult in the room, I would have given her half...because sometimes...you just want some gum.

Uh oh.

2009-02-19T10:04:00.002-07:00

This will be a simple post. I should not be allowed to own hair cutting scissors. End of story. However, while searching for a "bad bangs" photo, I came across this photo. Rest assured, no matter what, I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER be sporting the "bang-go." Wow. I think this was invented in Utah. Don't be mad Utahns...admit it...big, bad bangs happen in UT. They just do.

Oh Grace...

2009-02-08T20:43:00.007-07:00

The sunbeams never disappoint. Today while learning a new hymn in
primary I heard cute little Grace singing at the top of her lungs:

"How Firm a Dalmatian"...

At the end of the song she said "Yeah, we have that movie...it's a good one, with all those spotty dogs."

Stuff.

2009-02-08T00:27:00.005-07:00

Sometimes I wonder/worry about who might be reading this little blog...I know there are a few people but I'm worried about the silent stalkers because I never know how bold or honest to be here. I censor quite a lot out of a ridiculous (and maybe narcissistic?) concern/hope that this blog is making it out to more than 2 people...

Now, don't panic or get excited, I'm about to give you deep or personal info, but I am confessing that I've learned that whether you spent 2 hours or 20 minutes on your Sunbeam lesson, you will still end up talking about bagels, seashells, star wars, and whether or not Madison has a tail. It's inevitable. So...it's 12:30 in the morning, my contacts are just about glued onto my eyeballs and I should be preparing for my 5 wonderbeams. Instead I am doing important things like wooting (woot.com), reading other people's blogs, and pondering life a bit and writing my own blog entries that may be far too representative of who I really am.

I am thinking about how much I love when it rains in Arizona, about how I can't believe we've had a dead lizard stuck between the screen and the glass at the window by our kitchen table for a full 2 years (especially since it grosses me out on a daily basis and I have to close the blinds every morning when I attempt to eat breakfast there), and wondering how long it will take me to pack up my stuff when it's finally time for me to move from this house. I wonder how long the rain will last, how many sunbeams will come tomorrow, approximately when I will thoroughly clean my room and how my little sister is doing.

I wonder about my clients, especially the kiddos on my caseload with the saddest hearts...there are times when the hard is especially hard and I've got some amazing little wonders with beautiful but sad-sad-sad hearts and in my free time, my mind wanders to them and what I can do to help them with their sad hearts. I wonder who I should hire to help me with my taxes and if I'll find a house this year to buy. I wonder about my friends in Utah and if they know how much I miss them. I wonder if my friends here know how much I appreciate them. I wonder if Chloe knows I would never miss her 6th birthday party in July and if she knows how much it still makes me smile that she made me an invitation in February for an unplanned party 5 months away. I wonder if Shirley knows that I worry about her heart problems and pray that she is strong and healthy for years to come. I wonder about many hundreds of other things that will never be posted here. And maybe never even said aloud.

And I wonder if I will stay awake in church tomorrow...

Eyes, Tails and Wight Saba's

2009-01-18T15:14:00.003-07:00

Today in class...I'm recreating the script for you...

Me: And so we came to Earth to get a Bo...
A: Teacher, why are your eyes having red thingys in them?
Me: Oh I don't know. Is it just this one or both? My eyes are sore today a little.
A: It's both of them. Maybe it's cuz the red things keep your eyeballs in tight? Maybe if you don't have them your eyes could fall out?
Me: Hmm, I'm not sure about that.

He then proceeds to inspect the eyeballs of everyone in the room for further study. Survey says... teacher was the only one who didn't get enough sleep last night and has contact issues.

Later...
Me: And so our bodies have bones...
A: Does Heavenly Father have a tail?
Me: Nope, no tail. He looks just like us.
A: Well Mark has a tail. (Mark is the monkey who helps me teach my lessons)
M: I have a tail.
G: You do?!!? I wanna see your tail!
Me: I don't think Madison has a tail, guys. Only monkeys, cats, elephants and some animals have tails.

There was then a small crisis when the two girls both wanted Zip the cat. I carefully took Zip from their clutches and put her in my bag, saying "Zip needs a nap now." They were perplexed and said "Why?" I was pleased when my answer of "Well, because she's very tired" appeased them.

We went on and were talking further when same cute boy says: "Yeah, and we have Star Wohws movie. Der's Wuke. Wuke Skywaka. And he gets some guys arm off and it's WILLY cool. AND der's a wight saba...."

At the end of church....I am completely exhausted.

Speed Check

2009-01-13T16:47:00.003-07:00

So, as many of you know, in the last year I have had a brush with the law. (Okay fine, 3 brushES) with the law. In regards to a baby bit o' speeding. I am reformed and the $260 receipt taped to my speedometer seems to be helping with all that. However, this does not change the fact that every time I see an officer of the law in a car or on a motorcycle, my heart pounds very quickly and I am filled with sudden terror. Including today around 7:10 am when I passed one and instantly thought "Oh crap, am I speeding?" At which point I laughed to myself...as not only was I not speeding, but I was also not IN A CAR. Yes, I was walking/jogging and at BEST going approx 5 miles per hour. I laughed all the way home.

Bodies and Bagels

2009-01-11T22:44:00.003-07:00

So today after delivering what I was certain was a whiz-bang lesson covering the fact that we have bodies like Heavenly Father to the sunbeams complete with visual aids, songs, cute chants, pictures, mini beanie babies AND goldfish crackers...I asked them in review what they had learned...what they would tell their moms when they went home. Darling red-head Coleton responded:

"I'll tell her to buy more bagels."

Nevermind that bagels had 0% to do with our topic and the word bagel had not even been mentioned in the last hour.

We'll try again next week. Love you Sunbeams.

You Don't Say...

2009-01-07T23:04:00.003-07:00

Therapy with kids never gets old. I am continually amazed with what they say...for instance. Today, darling 8 yr. old chubby little boy sits down and starts off by saying this:

little wonder: "Well, I can tell you I've learned one thing...and that is that if you're an ugly girl chasing a band, it's going to be bad for you."

me (laughing in my head, calm yet interested exterior...not sure what to even ask first): "what do you mean by band?"

little wonder: "oh, like the jonas brothers. you know, a band."

me: "okay. just checking. So what do you mean by chasing a band?"

little wonder: "just that...like if you're a girl, AND you're ugly, AND you're chasing a band,or like, following them, it's going to be bad for you...cuz like...the band will never pick you."

me (thinking...pick you for what? where did this come from, why are you telling me, what do I do with it?): "huh, that might be true...i'm not sure about all that....now, let's talk about your feelings check in..."

SO...moral of the story. If you're an ugly girl...don't chase the band okay?!?!? Just don't do it. You'll just regret it.

Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam (teacher)

2008-12-14T14:57:00.005-07:00

Good news everyone. I have a calling...I will be enjoying the presence of three to seven 3-yr olds every Sunday for two hours. There will be singing, there will be coloring, there will be laughing and there may even be a little learning. Can't wait.

Christmas Kindness

2008-12-13T10:16:00.004-07:00

I am grateful for nice strangers/neighbors. Yesterday morning on my way to boot camp my car sounded weird. I got out, inspected the car visually and deemed all satisfactory. Went to boot camp, got tortured and returned home. When I was again leaving for work I noticed the sound had gotten louder and more concerning....so I got out to perform another detailed 3-point (flats, dents, leaking liquid) visual inspection...and this time found that my back right tire was nearly on the rim. I put my hand on my head and thought "Crap, this is gonna take forever" when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but my unknown neighbor and his dog Powder walking near. He offered to help...so I drove around the corner to his house...and he used his power jack to lift my car in about 3 seconds and put the spare on for me. I thanked him profusely (and will thank him with cookies later today) and drove around the block to Discount Tire for a free flat repair. All of this only took 1 hour out of my day and I never had to touch a tire...making it the best flat tire experience I've ever had. I am a lucky girl. Thank you dear neighbor.

The 29th, 9am...passcode Snickerdoodle.

2008-12-08T23:03:00.007-07:00

My little sister is something else. From day 1 when she was brand new and I was 7 years, 11 months old...I have been amazed and impressed by her. She makes me laugh like no one else can. Her wit is instant and she also has some pretty impressive dancing skills. When did this amazing dance moment occur, you ask yourself? Well, it was just this past Thanksgiving when she invited me into the computer room to "teach me a dance." Apparently I was not a quick learner because it soon turned into a solo. And what a solo... Enjoy.

Bubba, Chico and Jonah X3

2008-12-05T08:46:00.002-07:00

So...a while back when my good friend Areta moved, I inherited her 2 water frogs. Not because I wanted them, only because she's a frog hater and was going to let them die when she moved to Utah. On the car ride to my house the frog water sloshed all over the inside of my car and I thought "this is ridiculous." Well, now it's been a few months and the dang frogs are growing on me....they are Bubba and Chico...as it turns out...Bubba is a female and Chico is the man of the tank. Things have gone well for the happy couple...and to fast forward...we are on their second set of tadpoles. Things didn't go so hot with the first set and my attempts to save a few so that they could grow up strong and healthy...well, it failed and they all died.

Now there are 3 tadpoles in the tank with their cannibalistic parents. I know I should remove the tadpoles to their own water but this proves difficult as they hide under the rocks are are ridiculously small. I have intentionally been feeding B & C frequently in hopes that it will diminish their desire to EAT their offspring. Still, to my dismay I have watched as Mom and Dad Frog have attempted to gobble each baby...but for some reason...the tadpole goes in...and then comes right back out. Maybe it's the flailing tail that gets in the way. Regardless...I have been horrified and very angry with the piggy parents. As each day passes and the tadpoles get bigger, I know they have a better chance of making it. I'm trying not to hate B & C for being so terrible, I know they don't mean it. I've decided if these tadpoles make it, I will name them all Jonah. And I will call it a miracle.

Gorbachev & Luck

2008-11-24T15:02:00.010-07:00

Friends...I have the amazing abilty to burn my forehead nearly every time I attempt to use a curling iron. I suppose this is why I was born with naturally curly hair...in a gracious attempt to spare me from such injuries/deformities. No matter, sometimes I fight nature and try to have "straight but curly" hair...and end up looking like Mikhail Gorbachev. Yes. Just in time for Thanksgiving...I may have a nice scabby on the middle of my forehead. Past experience has taught me that the longer it burns in the morning, the darker the scab. Today's burning lasted only until about 10 am...so only a moderate scab. While Mikhail's looks to be a birthmark...I feel a special kinship...with this unknown Russian leader. Who knew?

Now. Completely unrelated story (are you surprised?). Yesterday in relief society, we were asked to stand, state our name and one word that describes us...ONE WORD...how in the world?? Many of you are instantly thinking "random," "wiggly,""talkative,"...I'm not sure what you're thinking. But among the many words I considered, "Lucky" stood out. Yes, indeed. Other than the curling iron difficulties, and a few other bumps and bruises, life is pretty good. I chose lucky specificially because I have amazing people in my life, friends and family in both Arizona and Utah who love me and let me know they do. I love this. I am learning important lessons in my life. Some of them are big, some are small. Some hurt...some don't. But all in all...I'm a lucky kid.

I Fought the Law and The Law Won.

2008-11-12T11:14:00.004-07:00

There is a thin line between bravery and stupidity. Today I spent a little time on each side of this line. It was Me vs. The State of Arizona (and Officer Krugar...possibly related to Freddy). I knew I was in trouble when he arrived with approximately 182 (okay, fine 6) pages of notes and certificates. I tried to uncrumple my ticket and hearing pages so my table would not look so naked....as his table was looking quite serious. No matter...he went first and used big words and even had something that would become "Exhibit A." At that point I began looking for the trap door button under my desk that would cause my disappearance from the courtroom.To make a long story short (and considerably less painful), the law (and Mr. Krugar) won. I am out $260. For all of you who may feel inclined to mock...don't laugh too hard...my little city court has the money that would have bought your Christmas present.

*This photo may not be an actual photo of Officer Krugar....but it comes close.

7 Things Tag (from Mogeets-slightly modified)

2008-10-22T21:16:00.004-07:00

7 things I can do:
1- endure 1 month of boot camp
2- make kids laugh
3- text very quickly
4- sleep in flannel sheets all year long
5- drink a lot of water
6- make friends with all kinds of people
7- beat anyone at tetris

7 things I cannot do:
1- drive a car with a stick shift
2- eat cheesecake (hate it)
3- the splits
4- watch a movie at night without falling asleep
5- run a mile in under 10 minutes. (not yet anyway).
6- eat fish with the skin still on. sick.
7- clean my room without getting very distracted

7 characteristics I love/value in my closest friends:
1- consistency
2- gentleness
3- sense of humor
4- intelligence
5- hugs
6- great laugh
7- easy to be with

7 things I say most often:
1- "Hey, come on back" (to my clients)
2- "What's up?"
3- "What happened?"
4- "Stop it, have you been practicing!??" (when my kiddo clients beat me at a game)
5- "I lived" (when roommates ask me how bootcamp was)
6- "Okay...call me later."
7- "I love you."

7 favorite foods:
1- chocolate milk
2- plums
3- apples
4- sweet potato fries
5- cafe rio salad
6- blue bunny bunny tracks ice cream
7- tinga

7 things I miss about Utah:
1-Sunday nights at home. Grilled cheese...or cookies...pajamas and just good times.
2-Fall. Crunchy leaves and crisp air.
3-My family. Being able to go home on the weekends.
4-The cabin.
5-My friends.
6-The mountains.
7- Running into people you know everywhere you go.

7 things I want to do before I die:
1. Run a marathon.
2. Go skydiving.
3. Be a mom.
4. Ride a unicycle.
5. Have really short hair.
6. Have my own therapy practice.
7. Complete a service mission in a Spanish-speaking country.

I Fought the Law and...(to be continued)...

2008-10-14T15:20:00.003-07:00

I am a good person. I am a good person who sometimes gets a ticket. (Or in this case, two). First ticket covered by 4 torturous, yet reforming hours of traffic school which transformed me...yes, into a born-again safe driver, if you will. However, on September-something a tragedy happened and I had another brush with a motocop (Why are they always motocops??? I don't even get full-sized vehicles...). I was given a ticket and today went to court with a wonderful and moving monologue prepared to defend my innocence...or at least assist the judge in deciding that I do not deserve what I was given. Well, to my dismay, said monologue will be tucked away for 4 more weeks because we have to subpoena the motocop to come and defend himself in this case....to be held November 12th. I want you all to know this: I went approximately 10 years with ZERO brushes of the law and have recently had...well...two tickets. (The Ensign incident doesn't count here). I would invite you all to pray for me and my cause. Specifically I invite you to pray at 10am (Arizona time, please) on November 12th. Pray that I will represent good people everywhere who miss a sign and get punished with a $260 ticket (which as it turns out, is the highest fine you can get until you accidently kill a person...or have to go into the courtroom). Pray that there will be justice and mercy (maybe slightly more mercy). Pray that the cop will not show because he's busy moto-bullying others out on the streets of my serene town. I will keep you posted on how your prayers and my time spent googling "How to fight a ticket" work out for my benefit.

Much Love,
Jules

Sore. Jacket. License.

2008-10-07T21:29:00.002-07:00

1. Started Boot camp. No, I did not join the army...this is boot camp for women...where 70 crazy souls meet in a parking lot 3 times a week and do ridiculously difficult exercises. I am on day two. I had trouble walking down stairs after day one. I have high hopes that after the first week things will start feeling better. I have been exercising regularly so I didn't think it'd be this bad...but apparently many of my muscles were still sleeping. Now they are all VERY awake.

2. Cute little 6 yr old was freezing in my office the other day. His little legs and arms were splotchy purple and I offered him my denim jacket. He took it and put it on saying "It looks like a jacket from the 80's." My thoughts were: "WHATEVER...denim jackets are back in!" followed by "You're only 6...you weren't even alive in the 90's, let alone the 80's so you don't vote!" and then "Maybe he's right...maybe denim is not in" and then "I don't care, I'll wear it forever." He's a pretty darling kid...so the 80's comment was enough to keep me from loving seeing him all wrapped up in it with long-y sleeves...

3. Work is picking up in both agencies...feeling good about this...OH! OH!! The best news of all, I am officially an LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker)....which means very little to most of you, but means I spent the last two years jumping through MANY MANY MANY hoops to prove that I am worthy and able to be an independant therapist...free of supervision and...well, more hoops. It cost me about $800 and 2 years of hoop jumping and I'm very happy and proud to be done with that...hooray!

You Don't Say...

2008-09-17T15:55:00.003-07:00

I love working with kids. SO much I love working with kids. Quote of the day from a darling 8-yr old girl:

Kiddo: My mom yells at us sometimes. Usually when we bug her when she's watching her Soap Poppers. She watches three: Guiding Light, As the World Turns, and the Young and the Wrestling.

I am very proud I did not laugh out loud...but soap poppers?!? the young and the WRESTLING....how very appropriate! So darling...cute, cute little wonder. Watch out moms...kids are sharing all your little secrets!

Jury Duty

2008-09-15T17:48:00.005-07:00

Whelp Friends. Not what I thought. I was grateful to be given the number 5 and taken from the big, hot, stinky room to the little, cold, dark courtroom where 55 potential jurors would be whittled down to 12 to decide the verdict in a 4-day trial involving a young man from a local gang involved in a drive-by shooting. I was not chosen. (I've been told that mental health professionals rarely are). Neither was the guy who said "The way I feel right now, anyone who does these crimes should be FRIED!" (Big surprise he wasn't picked, huh?). It was an interesting day...full of a LOT of waiting, but less waiting for me than the bored jurors-to-be who sat a full 8 hours in the juror assembly room doing nothing. I am, however...grateful for the legal system. And the following paragraph on the superior court website aimed at providing help for distress post-jury service...you will find my favorite sentence in large red font. I'm pretty sure this online counseling was not approved by anyone licensed. However, I may write it down on index cards and start giving it to clients. I recommend printing it out, & taping it to your mirrors. Sounds like a cure-all to me?

"... it may be helpful to be aware of the symptoms if they arise. Some temporary signs of distress following jury duty include: anxiety, sleep or appetite changes, moodiness, physical problems (e.g. headaches, stomach aches, no energy, and the like), second guessing your verdict, feeling guilty, fear, trouble dealing with issues or topics related to the case, a desire to be by yourself, or decreased concentration or memory problems. Symptoms may come and go, but will eventually go away. Remember you are having normal responses to an unusual experience.

To help yourself, it is important to admit any symptoms you may have and deal with any unpleasant reactions."

summer time...

2008-09-08T22:11:00.003-07:00

So...although Rigo is an amazing animal, I am not okay with him being the first thing you see when you hop on my blog. I found this picture on my cousin's blog and it made me smile...back in the day. If you look closely, you will notice that my dear little brother has the hose pointed almost directly into my eardrum. It looks intentional. But I'm still smiling...I think we were having a heck of a time...and my white tiger swimsuit...hot.

Rigoberto: Illustrious Warrior

2008-09-04T23:33:00.004-07:00

Tonight as I walked out my front door and made my way towards my car I was jolted with an unexpected bump on my leg that was most surprising. Similar to the way it feels when a cat rubs up against your leg, except the motion was considerably more...vertical. I saw a dark shadow slink off to the front of the house and was thinking the culprit was either a cat or a very injured bird. Wrong. It was this very large creature. Frog, toad...I do not know.

I was late to meet my friend, but had to take time to go get my camera to capture him on film...because, are you KIDDING me?!?!? We're talking this guy is nearly the size of a dinner plate. I cannot even fathom how his tiny (in comparison) legs are capable of projecting his roundy body through the air. And I do not know why his bum is painted white. Seems maybe he stole some the paint off our house in the shuffle.

My roommate has seen him before so maybe he lives here. I will call him Rigoberto. Rigo for short. The name means illustrious warrior...and if nothing else, a frog can dream. And after all...he may just be...my prince? I'll probably not be kissing him anytime soon to find out...

Be Back Soon...

2008-09-03T21:41:00.002-07:00

Oh Man!

2008-07-27T22:51:00.004-07:00

This picture accurately displays what I remember about the incident. A flash of lights, a shiny cycle, a faceless man and a moment of ugliness.

Yes. I got a ticket. Did I deserve it? Possibly. It's just that I was late for girl's night and was on some dumb road too far away from where I was headed and...either way, I broke the law and must suffer the consequence. Which in this case means cough up $177 or $133 and 4 hours in a class for other felons like myself. (Okay, so I'm not a felon but it felt like it).

Not only did the Ensign NOT save me this time, I also had the bad fortune of not having my insurance card with me. SHEESH. Double bad.

And quite honestly, I may go to jail after someone catches me using this copyrighted photo. Here I'll give credit. It's from fotosearch.com. Or you can get it straight from google images like I did. See, no jail time required.

For the record. I have been pulled over only 4 times in my 14 years as a conscientous and safe driver. I received tickets only 2 of of those times. Neither ticket was for heinous crimes...just a smidge of speeding. I am obviously all about full disclosure here. Don't judge. Maybe you've never even been pulled over...but don't get a big head. Maybe you've killed more bugs or let a door crash behind you in front of a little grandma or something equally wicked. We all have our stuff.

On the bright side, once I got to girls night...it was a splendid success. 24 hours of nothing but fun...punctuated with me occassionally remembering and lamenting that I got a ticket. Luckily my girls night friend happens to be a therapist and was willing to let me process my crime and its consequences all through our time together. Therapists make the best of friends!

More later. Big things to tell you people. Just a hint...new job, new house, new ward...

Tagged by Anna-6 Random Things...

2008-07-08T09:49:00.003-07:00

Alright Anna...never say never.

I, like Anna, am a regular flosser. Running out of floss is a major problem. I have decided I should call Glide (my favorite floss brand) and ask them to start making the last little bit of floss a different color, to indicate to the religious flosser that it's time to buy more. Nothing like running out with only 1.3 inches in your hand. That's the worst.
I won the big wheel race in preschool on the last day of school. I remember coming around the last curve on my Strawberry Shortcake machine 'o power and thinking something akin to "die suckers!" when I knew I was going to win. I have remained a little competetive since.
Foods I do not like: mushrooms (look like eels-sick texture), olives (fun to play with but not so great to eat), and cheesecake (again, a texture thing).
I love getting up early. I don't often go to bed early so sometimes getting up early is not so fun, but I love waking up and exercising and doing errands before most people are awake. Feels like I'm getting a head start...must be tied into my competetive nature.
I love water. I'm convinced Gilbert water is toxic and drink only store-bought water...but even still, I enjoy being well hydrated.
I wish I were an artist. I am not. My therapy kids laugh at even my stick figure drawings. I am practiced in only a few items...stars, palm trees, and turtles.

I love...

2008-07-02T13:12:00.006-07:00

dipping apples in organic peanut butter. best treat ever.

that i have a green stuffed frog in my office as a legitimate "work implement"

having my hair played with

getting inspirational texts from Rufio, my life coach

"interpretive dance"-style swimming

good hugs

hearing "i love you" at the end of a phone call, except for when i accidentally say it to co-workers or AT&T customer service representatives...

the way kids talk

making a mistake and not getting in big trouble

when kids in therapy choose any game other than jenga. i'm pretty much burnt on on jenga. candyland burnout is not too far behind.

my new phone. yes, lindsay-you were right. it's amazing. thanks for being forceful with me.

sleeping in a big, warm bed (preferrably w/ flannel though this is now the "off-season"...)

having a week off of work to go home...missing a week of AZ heat in july-lucky!

the feeling i feel after having a great run

loving and being loved by amazing people

100+ Scorpions!!!

2008-06-21T21:26:00.004-07:00

Well, without pomp and circumstance I will tell my faithful readers that we have survived 100+ scorpions. My good friend Tere is in town from PA and asked to scorpion hunt. She was braver than most and despite finding about 18 within the first 5 minutes, she stuck in there til the end. As did the ever-brave Natals whose black flipflop has sent many a scorpion to scorpion heaven...if there is such a thing.

In other news. This week was a crazy, busy, painful, interesting, yucky, confusing, exciting, and devastating week. I am happy to know this week is not ever happening again. Beyond happy. Estatic I dare say. Goodbye June 16-21, 2008. I will miss you ZERO.

The end.

Mexico-Part II: Massive Papercut

2008-06-13T22:18:00.007-07:00

Don't let this man's rugged good looks fool you, he's a man and yet he's a mouse. While our trip to Mexico went without incident for the first 4.5 hours, it was in the hotel lobby that trouble reared its ugly head. In the form of a papercut. A massive papercut. Mom was checking us in, Lindsay had some paper that Rand BADLY needed to see (a map, a list of the amenities? Not sure what)...Lindsay's cat-like (Rufio or Maxx?) reflexes kicked in and in the shuffle, Rand came out the bleeding loser. Literally. As he said "Shut up! I just got a MASSIVE papercut!" I knew that statement alone would pretty much assure that he would be the most teased Blair for the duration of the trip. I do feel bad that he got cut...pretty deep and right under his fingernail. However, I think we all would agree that MASSIVE was just a titch strong of a word for the injury. We were all careful to use the word as often as possible throughout the week.

I'm having blogging ADHD. Mexico posting will be completed...later.

Mexico: Part I

2008-06-10T22:49:00.006-07:00

Welp, I've been feeling guilty about not posting about Mexico yet. I'm tired and need to get to bed this very minute. So...Part I...Mexico is beautiful. Here is photo evidence:

Next, although yoga/tae kwon doe/crazy body movements may be relaxing, energizing and/or healthy for mind and soul...you need to know that what you do on the beach doesn't always stay on the beach. I don't know this man, but Lindsay and I felt...inspired by him. If you listen closely you can hear us laughing a little. Sometimes admiration comes out in the form of laughter. Or something. Wanted to share with you all. Just an added bonus for you all, my dear friends...

Better Every Year

2008-05-22T22:52:00.010-07:00

As this first photo depicts, I may be 30 but I am obviously no worse for the wear...obviously.

I am 30. What does that mean? Well, I'm in a new age bracket for running...that is something. I figure if I keep this running thing up I'll be placing in my age group by about...55. So stick with me on this folks...

My birthday weekend was amazing...full of friends, my AZ families, ice cream, swimming, pure cane soda with twist off lids, fun presents, texts and phone calls.

Sunday was the real day...I was 100% narcoleptic in church and everyone was exceptionally gentle about this. Party that night with friends/AZ family that obviously included the eating of at least one scorpion and also some cake and ice cream. Natals EXCEEDED all expectations when she appeared with her balloon arch extraordinare (see photo). Also in this photo is Amsers, my SDOA (Slide Divers of America) teammate.

I missed all my family and friends in Utah and wished I could have had everyone all together but I am so grateful for what I do have here. I am loved and lucky and very happy.

Including a few photos...just for fun. Thanks to everyone for the fun...calls, texts, presents, coming to the party/ies and really just for being such amazing people. Love you all.

Better than Cake?

2008-05-18T23:13:00.006-07:00

Today I turned 30. While many things happened, this video depicts what I feel most people will remember as the "take home message" of the birthday party. There were many delicious food choices available tonight (cake, ice cream, fruit, vegetables, etc). But for Mark, husband of my darling friend Cami...those simply would not do and he chose to impress the guests by eating a live scorpion. I had a feeling that things would take a dangerous turn when the men and boys asked to borrow the black light...so yeah. I pretty much lost all control of my own party but will go down for having maybe one of the coolest birthdays in history. Thanks Mark!

I had a great birthday weekend...more photos and stories to come.

To My Kool-Aid Mom

2008-05-11T00:00:00.001-07:00

This is my cute mom. And this is a darling picture of her...on one of her recent trips...in tulip country...in Montana, Canada, or Oregon....where were you Mom and why do I keep forgetting? Well, no matter. It's darling and I have it on my desktop and I love it. It makes me miss home and Sunday nights with grilled cheese and a movie. I'm excited to see you in Mexico in just two weeks.

As Mother's Day is here I'm using blog time to tell you all that I love my mom. She is darling and thoughtful and thinks of the cutest, kindest things to do...from green pancakes for every St. Patrick's Day to red heart Valentine's pj pants on my mission (those were just barely retired Mom) and everything in between.

A few things you might need to know about her...
1-She has a darling dimple on her cheek below her right eye. My niece Ashley has inherited it also and I love it on both of them.
2-She is what you might call a "city girl" but has been known to use the term "muscle it" whenever she's been faced with physical feats...such as driving a 4-wheeler or pretty much anything that involves being out-of-doors with my father.
3-We had a lot of fun but don't think it was all fun and games, I suffered through miserable years of having to re-do jobs such as the bathroom or cleaning out the junk that took turns living in my closet or under my bed... don't worry, I am DANG good at getting even the little knobbies at the back of the toilet...and I know how to make the bathroom sparkle. I'll freely admit my bathroom is not always as clean as hers are...but I know how and take pride in my abilities. For that I'm grateful.
4-She loves surprises. She probably gets less sleep than most small children on Christmas Eve.
5-She is loved by lots of people...including me.

Happy Mother's day to you mom...also to the many people in my life whose mothering affects my life as well as the lives of many others. I love you all...

American River Parkway Half Marathon

2008-05-04T22:17:00.015-07:00

13.1 miles is far. I already knew this but yesterday I knew for sure. It was a great day. The weather was perfect, the course was through beautiful green trees. (I got teased for saying that Sacramento was full of "Big tall short little bushy trees" and while my words were scrambled...I was merely saying that they are so different than palms and I appreciated them). I especially enjoyed the banjo band around mile 4 and the curious band of senior citizens dressed in green and white who were assembled to play for us as we passed mile 8. I wanted to slow down long enough to talk to leader of their shindig. They were darling.

While the day was almost perfect, there was a glitch, which in this case means a big problem. We discovered about 2 minutes before the race started that running was prohibited. Yeah, so I registered for the walkers half thinking I'd run part and walk part...but apparently that was foolish thinking. Walkers are serious about walking and discriminate against those who run. Lis (who was registered to run but decided to come with me after having knee trouble and warnings from the physical therapist) and I figured we'd get a few miles in and run anyway. Yeah, that didn't work so well. I laughed when I heard the ladies behind us scream "WALK LADIES, WALK!!!!" I could hear them even over my music and it was both disturbing and comical. So in all we ran less than one of our 13.1 miles and were both really disappointed. I did over 120 miles of running to train...and didn't plan to be not running at all but whatever. It probably won't be my last half-marathon.

Around mile 10 I started feeling done with the idea of it all and I later warned Lisa that I was tempted to punch the cheery girl at the water station near mile-marker 12 when I heard her high-pitched enthusiastic squeals aimed in my direction. But instead of violence I nicely took the dixie cup o' Gatorade from her little hand and said "Not more excited that I am" when she said "I'm like, so excited that you are almost done!"

We finished in just over three hours which put us 65th out of 394. I'll take it. For the first (and maybe last) time ever, my name was on the FIRST PAGE of race results. Maybe I should ditch running and become a professional walker. I may have some real potential. Never. I'd rather be a slow runner. Forever. I just have to try not to think about the fact that some runners can complete a FULL marathon in the time it took me to do a half. I will get that thought right out. Let's be honest, some Kenyans could complete a marathon in the time it might take me to chug through a 10k. Whatever. They're from Kenya. It's not my fault I'm from Kaysville.

I'm grateful for the experience. It was a nice weekend. I slept every time I sat down (even before the race) and I'm pretty sure Chandra's parents wondered about their daughter's new narcoleptic friend. Not sure why the severe sleepiness but I'm hoping a good 9 hours tonight will get me back on track and ready for the real world ahead. Thanks Lis for loving me even during miles 9-13.1. I'm sure you could have found a nicer exercise buddy for those miles but I'm glad you stuck with me.

It was a good trip and I'm beat. I'm taking a few days off and then will get back to training...my next goal is to complete a 10k race with a decent time.

Photo 1: Hazel, Me, Lisa, Chandra. Hazel and Chandra did the 5k and had a good time. They were nice enough to take us early and wait for us after their race.

Photo 2: My race number and finisher's medal.

Photo 3: Lis post-race chilling (literally, ha!) with frozen hash browns which apparently are just as nice as ice.

Photo 4: Lisa and I. Note the "I love Mom" shirt. Yes, do I own 5 dry-fit shirts? Yeah. Do I use them, Nah. My $1.34 shirt(s) (I have 6) from Old Navy is tried and true. I don't even care about the random people who make smarty pants comments.

The Half is Here!

2008-04-30T23:07:00.006-07:00

Alright folks. This race is really happening. In 3 days. My bags are packed, I've managed to keep all joints, limbs, and muscles in good working order (though I DID almost disqualify myself from this event by falling off a curb during a very exciting conversation while walking with my darling friend Cami two weeks ago...luckily my quick reflexes (or divine intervention) saved me from any kind of ankle damage).

Now I have to not get paranoid. Tonight I packed every thing I will possibly need on race day in my carry on (just in case of lost luggage)...who cares if I have to wear sweaty shorts for the 2 days after, so long as I am happy on race day, all is well. I'm even tempted to wear my running shoes on the plane, just to make CERTAIN nothing happens to them....but that seems a bit extreme. I wonder if it's normal to be this paranoid. I have been exceedingly careful this week with my body...to avoid random meteors, falling palm branches, anything that could jeopardize my ability to participate in this dang race. Truth be told, the only injury I've sustained in the past 4 months involved laughing too hard with Areta last weekend while stretching to reach the gum I'd dropped in the car-which resulted in a strained muscle in my back for about 2 hours. All better now.

I'm excited. Nervous. Thankful. It will be an amazing experience...whether we are fast or slow...the company will be excellent, the scenery beautiful, and I will be grateful to be having the chance to do something that once seemed impossible.

150 in 11

2008-04-23T06:28:00.003-07:00

So...this morning I completed my goal of 150 miles in 12 weeks...1 week ahead of schedule. :) I'm ready for the 1/2 marathon a week from Saturday. I'm so excited. I've got my shoes all figured out, have found some great double-layer anti-blister socks (WrightSocks) and have made friends with body glide. It's a great life.

No Nalgenes?!?!? NO!!!

2008-04-18T15:59:00.004-07:00

Friends, this is a dark day for me. I just read an article that Nalgene is taking away a bit of my heart in the form of its polycarbonate water bottles that may have been predisposing me to cancer now for the 6+ years I've been best friends with them.

This surely is a joke. A late April Fool's trick? Right? Sigh. I've been through all the stages of grief in the last 5 minutes: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I'm a quick healer. I've decided that the good news is that I have a good reason to stock up on BRAND new non-cancer BPA-free water bottles. This could be a good thing. But will I really throw my old ones away? Do I really have to stop using them? Because cell phones, microwaves, fluoride and the slew of burnt things I've consumed in my life might have already gotten me, right?

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/cancer/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100200558&GT1=31025

cRazY!

2008-04-15T23:02:00.004-07:00

I love my job. Most of the time. There are days when I come home and when my roommates ask about my day I say "Well, today I am tired of dealing with the severely mentally ill." Please note the word SEVERELY. In all fairness I need you to know I'm talking about 2% of the people with whom I work. I have a great love and respect for my clients, their struggles and their strength. I am not tired of the kids ever. Sometimes tired of clients that tell me about the T-Rex and all of its capabilities, cat CPR and other bold animal rescues/deaths and/or funeral services, but even that is at least interesting. But today tired of people whose difficult life circumstances render them almost incapable of authentic and normal human communication. I feel bad for them. But sometimes I just feel bad for myself that I have to deal with them. To cheer myself up, sometimes these lyrics play in my head and make everything better. I used to tell my friend Tere that I was going to pipe them over the intercom at our job. Just pretending I would one day do it made a lot of days survivable...here are the lyrics...and if you get really serious about this, go watch the video. It's even done in inkblots. That smart Gnarls. He's something else...

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind.
There was something so pleasant about that place. Even your emotions had an echo.
In so much space. And when you're out there, Without care,Yeah, I was out of touch.
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough. I just knew too much.
Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy? Possibly.

And I hope that you are having the time of your life. But think twice, that's my only advice.
Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are?
Ha ha ha bless your soul, You really think you're in control?
Well, I think you're crazy, I think you're crazy, I think you're crazy, Just like me?

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb. And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them. Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun. And it's no coincidence I've come.
And I can die when I'm done. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe you're crazy. Maybe we're crazy. Possibly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bd2B6SjMh_w

Friendly Officer

2008-04-12T06:14:00.009-07:00

Last night I was driving home after a long walk/talk with a very good friend. I had quite a lot on my mind following the conversation that had just occured. As I was driving I noticed I was being followed by a police car. I thought "Am/was I speeding?" "Have I done something illegal?" followed by "Did he just see me texting?" (Yes, I may have sent a little baby text. And I guess I did not fully complete this baby text while completely stopped. Judge not.)

So on come the lights and they swirl through the air as my heart starts pumping faster than it has on any of my recent runs. I find a safe place to pull over. Mr. Officer walks up with a flashlight, asks how I'm doing and if I know why he's pulling me over. He asks me if I've had anything to drink and I laugh as I say "No, sir." All the while I'm frantically pulling stuff out of my glove box looking for insurance/registration. He then asks me if I've been reading, which I thought was a weird question. Then he shines the light on the magazine that just popped out of my glove box and says "What is that?" I flip it over and before I can say anything he smiles and says "Oh...the Ensign. So I guess you weren't drinking." He's back in a flash with everything and announces "No ticket. But no more reading the Ensign as you drive okay?"

Saved by the Ensign.

Seven Things...

2008-04-11T07:52:00.006-07:00

Anna, here you go...as promised...7 things about me that people may or may not know.

1. I've always wanted to pull a fire alarm. Lindsay actually did this in 3rd grade and I've always been jealous. Now that I'm not in 3rd grade I don't think I'd get away with it.

2. My first kiss was under a desk in 4th grade.

3. I race unsuspecting people. Let me explain. I'll see a person who looks like they're headed to the same place I am...to the door of a building, up the stairs, etc. I make a point to see if I can beat them. My friend Megan once expressed that she felt it wasn't fair that I was racing people who didn't know they were racing me. I told her it IS fair because I always give them the headstart. What these innocent "racers" don't know is that I get ticked off if they beat me (though it rarely happens). Megan asked me, "please at least tell me when we're racing." Mogeets, I promise to do so. But the rest of the world, watch out!

4. I am pretty much opposed to catch and relase fishing and hunting for the sport of it. If you need to eat the animal fine...no problem. But come on, ripping a fish out of the water by his lips again and again...ridiculous. There's a nearby lake full of traumatized fish. I wonder how manly these men feel being able to catch a fish in a lake FULL of gimpy fish. DUH-you're GONNA catch one!

5. I speak 4 languages. English, Spanish, "Ithig," and one that my parents invented on a road trip wherein my name would be Jibulibe. (Mom, what's it called?) I'll admit that the last two are not considered "real."

6. I almost missed the deadline for mailing grad school applications for several schools because I was riding a unicycle. Or attempting to.

7. I love old, hard cinnamon bears. Sher gives them to me for my birthday in a bag that's been opened for months...just growing harder by minute. She loves me. ;)

horrible hunting

2008-04-08T22:42:00.005-07:00

I try to keep the scorpion talk to a minimum. But it's just that tonight we found 15, which is 20% of all that we've found in all the time we've lived here...so kind of a big deal. Our friend Ammon brought over a really great black light and we decided to go looking for them. We found one (dead) inside within the first minute...and from there found a total of 15 (with the majority being outside on the stucco wall). This big guy to the left...was HUGE...the picture for sure does not do him justice, but his torso was about the circumference of my pointer finger...we're not talking a little flat baby scorpion. ENORMOUS. And the worst news is, he's one that got away. The others we managed to kill. Sigh. I had big plans to have my favorite AZ "nieces and nephew" (the family that I have come to love as my own) over for movie night OUTSIDE this weekend...complete with projector and everything...but I don't think I can feel good about it now knowing the backyard is TEEMING with dangerous insects. And scorpion stings are even more dangerous for the wee ones...dang. I'll have to plan something else for the little wonders...